bleeding hearts, butterflies, bumblebees and Madi

Bleeding hearts are one of my favorite perennial flowers. A dear friend separated her plant and shared with me years ago. I'm not sure what happened, whether it was kids, a dog or the weather, but it did not survive more than a season or two. My heart was sad when I lost it. Not only was my plant gone, but my friend had moved and I couldn't get another start from hers. 

Last year I decided I wanted another Bleeding Heart in one of my flower beds. I didn't want to start with a small plant, I wanted to start "from scratch". I didn't know what that meant so I did some research. From scratch would be a bare root. I chose this route full of cautious hope, with a dream and a purpose in mind. This Bleeding Heart plant, if it grew, would serve as a witness to and reminder of what God has done in my life since Bill's death. It would be a testimony to the beauty that can bloom in a broken heart when we allow God to do His work in the dark, secret places of our being. The bare root looked dead. I copied a photo from a mail order site so you can see what I mean. Not very appealing, are they? They are actually ugly, and don't appear to have much promise. But I knew what was, potentially, hidden inside.  

Two roots were in the bag. (One for me, one for Bill was what I told myself.) I planted what appeared to have no hope of life deep in the cold, early spring dirt. I watched and waited and hoped, impatiently. I also prayed for God to please make at least one of the plants grow. 

It took time. All healthy growth does. And when the proper time had passed, shoots emerged from the earth. I rejoice. And watched and waited and hoped with more anticipation than impatience now. The shoots grew taller, the plants leafed out, and eventually I was rewarded with a few flowers. I am pretty certain I went out and looked at them and celebrated every day those flowers had even a hint of life in them last spring, my heart full of thanksgiving for their beauty. When the plants stopped blooming, I hoped they would not be a one season wonder. 

Guess what I saw two weeks ago when I mowed. 

If you said "the bleeding heart plants" you would be right! 

When I mowed Monday evening I noticed that the tiny buds had begun to bloom. I also saw that their beauty would not be fully enjoyed because there were some plants and weeds where they shouldn't be, so I removed what didn't belong. I wasn't able to properly enjoy the difference it made until this afternoon.

Tuesday afternoon, as I sat taking a break from reading, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I turned to follow the movement and was rewarded with this:

a butterfly was filling up on the nectar from my lilacs, one blossom after another

it was playing hide and seek here

as I watched the butterfly, I realized I actually had two visitors 

there was an interesting dance going on 

If you need help finding the bumblebee,
look in the upper left corner, below the top set of leaves. 

I watched the bumblebee dart all around the bush, above and near the butterfly.

It never landed.

It just flitted about.

Was it chasing the butterfly?

The butterfly?

It flitted as well.

But it also stopped and drank from the flowers.

Enjoying a sip, then moving on to another bloom, but leisurely, not frantically. 

I made up a scenario that the bumblebee was saying "this is my territory, get out" and the butterfly was replying, "it is our domain. You don't frighten me. Slow down. Stop. Take a rest. Enjoy some of this sweetness that God has provided for us. There is plenty for both of us."

And I knew I want to be the butterfly. I don't want to be a "busy bee" buzzing around, trying to intimidate others or drive them away. I want to be mindful of the truth that everything good in my life is straight from the hand of God. I am a steward of many beautiful things, but they all belong to God. I want to be found inviting others to stop and rest with me. I want to enjoy the company of those who are different from me. I want to share life together while we feed and drink deeply of the good things God provides to meet our needs. 

This spring KCU has offered a Wednesday night chapel service once a month. I was able to go for the first time Wednesday night. I arrived early and when I entered the room there were groups of students milling about. I chose a seat behind a row of kids I know, that way I wasn't isolated, but I also wasn't intruding on anyone's conversations. One of my girls was in the next section over talking to a friend. She saw me, smiled and waved. I waved back and looked down at my phone to make sure it was turned off. The next thing I knew Madi was standing next to me asking,"mom, can I sit with you?" 

"Of course!" 

I moved so she could enter the row I was in. 

After the service I hugged her and thanked her. She saw me. She did not want me to sit by myself and me being in a row behind people was not close enough for her, so she moved. I want to be more like Madi. Aware of other people. Willing to move out of my comfort zone.

God has been doing works in my life

through the Bleeding heart

through the butterfly

through the bumblebee 

through Madi

showing me He sees me

He cares about me

He is changing me

He is growing me

He is challenging me

the dark, 

the rain, 

the storms, 

the light, 

the cold, 

the warmth,

the winds,

the calm

they are all opportunities for me to choose to bloom and change and mature

Why is He orchestrating all of this ?

He loves me as I am 

but He loves me too much to leave me as I am 

so He sends me 

bleeding hearts

butterflies

bumblebees 

and people 

to speak truth

to speak life

to teach me

to influence me

Because He loves me.