This is my fourth holiday season as a widow. Tonight's post is an edited version of an open letter I wrote a year ago. Some things remain the same, year in and year out, while other things change.

This is my fourth holiday season as a widow. Tonight's post is an edited version of an open letter I wrote a year ago. Some things remain the same, year in and year out, while other things change. 

Dear grieving soul,

In the midst of a holiday season heavily advertised as "the most wonderful time of the year" but for you it is anything but wonderful, please know that you are not alone.

• Yes, you are alone in YOUR grief, but there are others. Some grieve alongside you, but none the exact same way as you. And that is okay. For you and for them. Practice giving and receiving grace.

• It is okay to not feel festive.
• It is okay to laugh.
• It is okay to cry.
• Is okay to be sad. 

Even with countless reasons to be thankful, you can still be sad. 

• Be aware that almost everything is going to be different.
• It is okay to do or not do the things you "normally" did. 
• Be kind to yourself.
• Be patient with yourself.
• Take time to be alone when you need to. Don't turn into a hermit, but if you need time to recalibrate, take it.
• There are things or traditions you may cling to. As long as they don't cause harm, hold on as tight as you need to.
• It's okay to begin a new tradition.
• There may be things you want to get rid of. If you have room, put them in a box and store them until things are not quite so raw. You might change your mind later. 

• You may be extra tired "for no reason at all."
• You might find yourself angry with people who seem to take for granted what you are missing. Find a way to let that anger go, it will eat you alive.

• Life may seem surreal at times.
• Do what you can to celebrate.
• Don't feel guilty about what you simply cannot do.
• You may feel jealous of people who still have it "all". That doesn't make you bad, it makes you human. Don't let it grow roots, that isn't healthy.

• You may forget and find yourself looking for a perfect gift. A gift you no longer need to look for. It's not "dumb". It's okay to cry. 

• Know that you WILL make it through all of this. It probably won't be easy or pretty at times, but you can and you will make it through. And at the end you may look back and wonder how. 

Especially during this season of the year I am drawn to pray for hurting hearts. RIght now I am praying for yours. 

Father, thank you for Your great love and mercy. Thank you for Your Holy Spirit that intercedes for us when we pray. Just now I lift up those who will read this post, especially those with hurting hearts, and ask that they be made aware of Your presence, of Your comfort, of Your peace, of Your love and concern for them. Please bring healing. Please open their eyes to see the beauty that is found in accepting brokenness as part of our story. Would we choose it? NO! But now that it is part of our lives and there is nothing we can do to change it, please help us to accept it and allow You to do the beautiful work that only You can do to bring wholeness to our hearts. We will never be the same again, but You can make us whole. Thank you Father for making it possible for us to be Your children.

In Jesus' precious name,

Amen.