she isn't here either

a dear friend went home to be with Jesus just a few days ago
I have a long history with her family
and the ties that bind us together are multi layered and generational
her husband read my post: "he isn't here" 
he left me this message earlier today:

Donnette: I'm finding it hard to believe that __________ is not here either. How can a date night turn into a trip to the ICU and her no longer here? Pain is in my heart.

this was my reply:
 oh dear friend, you have been much on my heart and in my prayers, wondering if you are thinking what I thought early on (and still find myself contemplating); How can you go into a hospital, a place of healing with the person you love and have committed to living out all of your days with, the person God has knit you together with (the two shall become one is much, much more than the physical union of two bodies) and come out a widow(er). Single. That pain you mentioned is supposed to be in your heart. Be patient with yourself. If you lost a limb or two, you would not expect yourself to be without pain for a long time. You have lost much more than that. Keep seeking Jesus, cry when you need to, it does not make you weak, it makes you human. Don't try to fit into someone else's mold for what your life/grief should look like. This is YOUR journey- it was YOUR relationship, no one else will ever be able to understand because they did not have the same relationship. And be patient with your children. They too are grieving and walk their own path. Laugh if/when you can. Breath and sigh deeply deeply if that's what it takes to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

A week ago Sunday a friend asked me how I was
her reply to my answer left her uncomfortable all week-
she gently grabbed my arms and stopped me this Sunday,
and with tears in her eyes apologized for what she'd said
I didn't even remember the interaction

I tried to tell her that it hadn't affected me the way she thought it might
that I was okay
that we were okay
but she needed to talk
so I listened

she is hurting too
grieving the loss of a parent
"I am so sorry...I know it's not the same (referring to her loss)...but it hurts...I don't know what to say...I'm not good with words..."

I get it
I have felt and done/said awkward things
I told her no two peoples loss/grief is the same

that's why I wasn't hurt by what she'd said

and why I keep writing about this thing called grief

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."

Romans 12:15

deep pain,
regardless of the source,
is deep pain
it cuts
it hurts
it changes us 
it leaves scars

there are times we all need an extra dose of love and grace 
let us be found giving it freely to others 
let's extend it to and accept it ourselves 
and let us look to Jesus first, 
then point others to Him
that is what my friend faithfully did for me over the years
that is what I want to continue to do for others

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

 Psalm 147:3

"I love you Carole. Thank you for your prayers, your encouragement and the love you poured into my life over the last 44  years."  

I am glad this is not the first time I'm saying these words. I miss her already. Do you need to tell someone you love them? Is there someone you need to thank? Don't wait. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.