finding my voice

Have you ever picked up a bag of sand?

When Bill and I went to the beach in May 2014 I wanted to bring home a gallon Ziploc bag of sand for each one of our kids. 6 gallons doesn't sound like a lot, but I learned something pretty quickly. It isn't the individual grains, it's the collection of them that makes sand heavy. I think we downsized to quarts.

"it's okay"...

but it isn't

"I don't mind"...

but I do

grin and bear it, 

wear the mask that says it doesn't bother you

each and every time it happens,

even if the "thing" is as small as a grain of sand,

left unchecked,

ignored,

denied,

the "things" become like a beach,

countless grains of irritations

stretching over a wide expanse of time and space,

packed down, 

pressing ever heavier

until one day

our body

our mind

our emotions

they're done 

and the thing that tips the scales can be minuscule

I thought it was part of being a good Christian,

the not making waves,

the not speaking up

I called it being a peacemaker

but it brought anything but peace

I'm not saying every time I've said those words I was lying,

but sometimes I was

I am finding my voice

it's a bit frightening,

but it's a whole lot healthier

I'm not advocating rudeness or selfishness. One of the lessons I'm discovering is it's okay to have and express a preference if I have one. I think peacemaking might be more about the resolution of, rather than the avoidance of conflict. 

Ephesians 4:25-27

"Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity. "