ain't no grave, part 2

take a moment to enjoy this gift from God
the picture doesn't do reality justice-
but this nourished my soul as I drove the last leg home from camp
I felt surrounded by God's presence,
 and the deepest part of my being was wrapped in a hug

Some posts require an introduction-this is one of those.
I am writing honestly about small parts of what happened at camp last week, hoping to encourage you to hold fast to your faith and hope in Christ, hoping to help you understand that Satan is not above using strangers, people you love and people who you know love you, to attack, to wound and to try to distract or discourage you. Especially if you are actively engaged in ministry. I am not looking for sympathy. I am well. Last week was a great week. But it was not without challenges. 

Satan may have left me alone the week before camp this year
but he was not about to let me go unscathed 
spiritual warfare is real, I know better than to let my guard down
and the Devil used new tactics to attack me
odd things to try and throw me off track
innocent people and comments to wound me
each day I had to put into practice the lesson I was prepared to teach Friday

last Sunday Greg was listening to the sermon delivered by a guest preacher,
I was sitting beside him in the front row,
when I noticed him put his hands to his face,
palms together,
index fingers touching his lips,
just like Bill used to do when he was listening intently
and I almost lost my composure

Monday morning our lesson was about being united in prayer
how God is powerful
how God hears us
how God answers
and though it was early in the lesson
I struggled to stay in my seat and not bolt from the room 
because I was fighting memories of the last time I prayed for Bill

after our lesson we had a few minutes of free time
I used it to pull myself together,
and went into the multipurpose building for missions time
but after a few minutes I leaned over to my friend and said
"I can't do this"
I left the building, put up my umbrella, walked through a downpour
and sat at the Lego table next to carpet ball and had a long ugly cry

Tuesday afternoon I was munching my treat from canteen
a dear friend came over with a huge smile on her face
enjoying her ice cream treat
her innocent comment to me was like a slap in the face:
"you just have to wait for your husband to come to canteen-
then you don't have to spend your own money"
I smiled and walked away, knowing she had no idea of what she'd just said

Wednesday a conversation about how Bill and I met held it's own barbs
Thursday night campfire included the song Oceans
and as we sang tears rolled down my face
as I remembered vividly Bill practically running into the house,
dragging me out to the car to listen to it the first time he heard it
as I remembered singing it at his funeral
as I anticipated teaching Friday morning about faith and hope

I am thankful for those who are united in prayer on my behalf,
lifting me and my family up before the Father
I am thankful for those whose purpose I share,
to love God, love people and share Jesus
they were all around me at camp and it helped me keep focused on truth
I am thankful for those who generously give 
I am thankful for those who love me well

I am thankful for every situation that draws me closer to Jesus
last week was full of them,
some I have mentioned
some are private
some were pleasant,
some were pain filled,
all were useful in strengthening my faith and affirming my hope

ps-
guess what was one of the last songs that played as I pulled into Grayson?
yep, "Ain't no grave gonna hold me down..."