one, two, three, I'm fighting back

1. 

This picture is all it took to take my breath, sap my energy and sit me down hard this afternoon. Bill is sharing Jesus, doing the devotional thought at an Upward basketball game, one of his favorite things to do.

and suddenly it is Friday

like Friday's were early on after Bill died

just plain hard without me concentrating on who is missing from my life

I am one of the speakers for a Ladies Retreat next weekend. In the morning we are meeting in my home for a time of prayer and fellowship. My intention for today was to clean the house and prepare snacks. No computer time until all the chores were. But some clothes I ordered for Gabriel arrived and they weren't what I was expecting. Rather than move them upstairs if I was going to going to be returning them I decided to sit down for a minute and send a quick message to Deborah. It is most easily done using Facebook messenger so I sat down with my computer and logged in.

Facebook "cares about my memories".

Puts them right there on top, front and center sometimes.

That photo of Bill was from six years ago.

I wasn't ready to think about memories.

I wasn't scrolling through my "On This Day".

But it didn't matter that I wasn't prepared.

Grief likes to punch hardest when we aren't looking for it.

    

2. 

A hand addressed envelope came in the mail today so I opened it. 

This was the note inside.

No way this guys good news can top whatever Bill is listening to now.

Since I was already on messenger I eagerly opened a message from a friend I don't hear from often. I wasn't thinking about the pictures taken at a RLCA Family camp 30 years ago that I had shared with her recently when I was in a whimsical, "good place" and it was a precious memory. My note to her was "From another lifetime ago." It is hard to see, but she is first in line, holding Deborah, I am next to her, Bill is next to me. 

3.

One

Two 

Three punches.

But I refuse to stay down, I know what this is.

I have never agreed to speak and not faced something difficult.

Satan wants to distract, discourage, disable me.

He has no idea of the One he is really fighting.

 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” 

Exodus 14:14

That verse immediately came to mind to end this post with. I went to biblegateway.com to easily find, copy and add it. I don't think the verse of the day is any coincidence:

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NIV

1. I've cried and grieved

2. I've been still and received comfort and strength

3. I'm prepared and covered to go on