struggling with the small things

anyone else struggle with the small things?
things that are not new to your agenda,
things that don't demand an extravagant amount of time or energy
but some days they seem monumental and you say to yourself
"I don't want to do this"
or
"why do I always have to be the one to do this"
or
"if I have to that one more time..."

today was one of those days for me
actually the last few weeks I have wrestled with 
frustration
anger
feeling sorry for myself
sadness
over work I have done for years,
things I normally don't give a second thought to doing:
mowing every 5 days or so
getting gas for the mower
weeding the flower beds and raspberry patch
feeding the dogs daily
fresh water for the dogs daily
brushing Sam as he sheds his winter coat
taking the trash out every Monday night
returning the trash can(s) to the back yard Tuesday morning
thinking about washing the car (it needs to happen soon)
thinking about cleaning the house (it needs to happen sooner)
going to work one afternoon a week
even doing my laundry or deciding what and when I am going to eat

this evening I tried to remember the last time I did something "just for fun"-
not finding fun in what I was doing,
I am in that place on a regular basis,
but doing something sheerly for the sake of having fun
I came up empty handed
so I made a rash decision to do something unheard of:
I am going to eat the rest of the ice cream,
right out of the container

I got the Breyer's neapolitan from the freezer
took a spoon from the drawer
sat on the couch, ready to dive in and enjoy this indulgence
and saw a tiny annoyance I had to take care of
I didn't want to, but I had to

the ants I have been struggling to get rid of had finished off the Terro 
so I reapplied it lavishly
I am hoping they take the bait back to their nest and share it liberally

I thought, now, ice cream!
but decided writing needed to come first 
so I returned the ice cream to the freezer
wrote this post
and am ending it thinking about the "small" joys from just today:
snuggles, smiles and a kiss from Little Miss 
a necessary conversation that ended very well 
a phone call from one of my brothers
watching Addi play softball and get to score tonight
a bear hug from Benjamin
a phone visit with mom
the privilege of being asked to pray specifically from two of my kids
blogging/writing time
texting pictures to and from my girls

it's a paradox:
the small things in my life are my biggest struggle and my greatest joy
and after I press the small Publish tab, I will be free to enjoy that ice cream!