chirp, chirp, chirp

backstory:
A few weeks ago the man who shared the communion meditation mentioned the annoying "chirp, chirp, chirp" sound a fire alarm makes when the battery needs replaced. He reminded us of the purpose of the alarm-how we hope we never need it, but if we do, we want it to be working properly. We wouldn't know it wasn't working if there wasn't a chirp when the batteries need replaced. I am pretty sure he challenged us to take a few minutes to think about if there was any chirping going on in our lives that might indicate we needed to ask the Lord to recharge us in any area.

There is intermittent chirping going on upstairs
the battery in the fire alarm must need replaced
Ruth and Kyle are at a wedding,
I am with the kids-
I am trying to ignore the sound, 
but the chirp reminds me something that happened this week

I "heard" it as pain came and went in my shoulder Wednesday
chirp
I was hoping I was right
that it was nothing 
I'd had this pain before,
a pinched nerve or something from sleeping wrong
but in the back of mind I wondered if it was a warning
Chirp, Chirp
I "heard it when I woke up at 3:45 AM Thursday in a cold sweat
I was still hoping I was right
but now I was more afraid I might be wrong
the shoulder pain was more intense
that pain is what had awakened me
there was heaviness in my upper chest
and  a vise like pain that came and went in my arm
Chirp, Chirp, Chirp
nauseau
belching relieved some of the discomfort
but not all
I thought about being tired and actually sleeping Wednesday afternoon
What if I was wrong?
Could I continue to ignore the "warning signs"-
was it possible I was having a heart attack?

I texted a doctor friend 
even though it was early in the morning
well, earlier for me than them since I am on the west coast
I quickly received a phone call
as we talked I could hear the "chirps" reflected in her voice

"I'd feel better if you went to the ER and got this checked out. If you were my mom I would want you to do that."
and that is how Ruth and I ended up in a small, rural hospital ER room in Oregon a little after 6AM Thursday morning

I received excellent care
I was quickly hooked up to a BP cuff
IV inserted
blood drawn
EKG done
doctor visit
"EKG is perfect, we are waiting on blood tests"
doctor visit
a chest xray
"The blood tests that are back are good, we are waiting on one more."
consistent check's from the nurses: "how are you doing?"
"chest xray is clear"
doctor visit
"we are going to try a GI cocktail if that's okay with you"
wait appropriate time
"did that help?"
"not really"
"we are going to run a second EKG and blood work..."

all of the chirping and in just over two hours
and I found out my heart is perfectly fine
they couldn't be sure,
but the symptoms could be GI related
or stress
or anxiety
I am to follow up with my primary care physician 


chirp
chirp
chirp

I was assured by the doctors I'd done the right thing by coming in,
I felt silly afterward, 
when the tests showed I was alright
but I was also relieved that I went
because there is something not right

I have a self-diagnosis,
I suspect all of this might have something to do with grief
somehow I forget how hard the end of July through August is now
Bill's birthday
his dad's death
our anniversary
Bill's death

when I get back to Grayson I will be taking time for an extended, uninterrupted visit with the Master Healer, I there are some things I need to let Him check...

“If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in His eyes, and give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your Healer.”
Exodus 15:26