picking up the pieces

I am hurting
deeply
tearily
wearily
grieving 

when I am in this part of the cycle of grief everything is bigger
"little" blessings are more appreciated... and are accompanied by tears
small annoyances are magnified... and are accompanied by tears

right now the pieces of my life seem scattered
hither and yon
and I have felt like I am wildly scrambling, trying to recover them

some are shards:
slicing, dicing, leaving  bloody wounds that will turn to scars
there is danger picking them up, danger in leaving them 

some are chunks and I question:
are they stumbling blocks to trip me up
or weights I need to pick up and be strengthened by shouldering them

some are mountains:
I must choose to climb or go around
there is no lifting them and there is no ignoring them


When Moses passed the mantle of leadership to Joshua, knowing there were battles ahead of them, he spoke these words to Joshua in front of the Israelites:

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

I know the Lord goes before me as well.
He is with me.
He will never leave me.
He will never forsake me.
I may be afraid at times, but I do not live in fear.
I may get tired and discouraged, but I will not live in dismay.

The following song has become an anthem for me when life begins to feel overwhelming. The past few days it is the first thing on my mind when I awaken. Snippets play sporadically in my mind throughout the day. It is part of my battle gear.

God is aware of my brokenness.
He is gathering and making something beautiful out of the pieces.
He is my hope.
He is my joy.
He makes it well with my soul.