taking care of things
My recent silence has not been because there is nothing to say. Rather I don't know where to begin so this post may be a little like word vomit as I recount some of the happenings of the last week.
Last week a friend who has bravely battled cancer for a year died. He lived twice as long as they expected him to live. That is little consolation for those who love him. He was a faithful part of the first Sunday School class Bill and I taught when we moved to Grayson. He was the first one to invite us to his home. Well, actually he invited us to his parents farm which led to a deep friendship between our families. We have shared a lot of life together over the last 29 years. His mama came to hold me and pray with me the night I came home from the hospital a widow. His three year old daughter and Xavier are friends who met in Sunday School.
I received an e-mail from my financial advisor. We need to have a phone conversation. One that I wouldn't be having if Bill was still alive. That was scheduled for Tuesday or Wednesday.
An e-mail from a sweet friend who had caterpillars that spun their cocoons and began hatching in about half the normal time. She remembered that I had said I'd like to see that sometime and she was hoping one would emerge while I was there if I could come for a quick visit.
Next Monday marks a year ago that one of my adopted sons died. My heart aches for his momma and other family.
A family I love had two of those "anniversaries" of family members this week.
Saturday I got a text saying "... has a mass".
Arrangements have been finalized to watch another adopted son coach. Next Saturday I will be dressed in orange watching University of TN.
Anger
Joy
Sadness
Happiness
Confusion
Clarity
Weariness
Excitement
temptation to get stuff done at the expense of relationships
choosing to be present with rather than make excuses
But more pressing than any of those things was the deep need to seek hard after the face of my Father, the God of all comfort and peace. Guess what? I have found Him faithful and near, just as He promises to be. I have seen His power and His love and His mercy and presence in "little" ways that have had a huge impact.
A back porch visit with my grieving friend last Friday afternoon. Remembering a life well lived and celebrating the life her son is now living. And crying over our loss.
Getting to see one of my adopted sons as part of the coaching staff for a high school football team last Friday night. Receiving a tight hug. Several actually. Hearing "I love you mom". Having him come to the fence before the second half began to make sure I was warm enough and ask if I needed anything. Afterward having a few minutes to chat. Talking about "Pops". Both of us blinking back tears more than once. Remembering to get a picture with him before I was in the car and he was on the bus.
Saturday traveling with the KCU Men's soccer team and watching them get a W.
Sunday was Homecoming at Oak Grove Church. I think at least one of my children has been home to go with me the last three years meaning this was the first one I attended alone. No need to look for a whole row to sit the family in. Tears as memories of faithful brothers and sisters who have gone home, but I could still "see" them filling their spots in the pews. Battling the lie that I was alone with the truth that I was surrounded by family. Jesus' blood makes it so. A friend wrapping me in a one armed hug as we stood singing "It is Well With My Soul."
Walking for an hour Monday evening while waiting for the KCU Women's soccer game to begin. Pleading with God to allow the images that were to be taken Tuesday morning to clearly reveal what was going on. On the same walk finding and picking up a penny, my reminder that "In God We Trust". I could leave the anxiety that was threatening me at His feet or I could carry it. If I chose to carry it, I'd have to pitch the penny.
A card of encouragement received from a dear, faithful friend Tuesday. Having the daughter of one of my now grown adopted daughters ask if I wanted to sit with her and be one of her mamaws for Grandparent's day at KCU Tuesday during chapel. Hearing a challenging message. Afterward getting to watch a dad play badminton with four of his six children while mom and I and the eldest watched and chatted. Remembering Bill playing games with our six. Brief conversations with each one in the family. Seeing the release of their newly emerged butterflies. Hearing dad say they waited until I could come out before letting them go. Watching the youngest ones chase them. Wishing I had done that when I homeschooled ours. Receiving a fresh picked flower from the littlest girl, a homemade brownie from the oldest boy.
Wednesday brought words of strong faith and choosing to trust spoken by one waiting for answers...
Thursday morning I received a text from a dear friend with this song that is new to me...
Why?
Little things.
I think the best way to take care of all of the things in my life: good, bad, ugly, beautiful, hard, easy and everything in between, is to take them and lay them at the feet of Jesus. That's what I have been busy doing for the last week. Taking time to take care of things. I don't want to lose my focus.
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1&2
Last week a friend who has bravely battled cancer for a year died. He lived twice as long as they expected him to live. That is little consolation for those who love him. He was a faithful part of the first Sunday School class Bill and I taught when we moved to Grayson. He was the first one to invite us to his home. Well, actually he invited us to his parents farm which led to a deep friendship between our families. We have shared a lot of life together over the last 29 years. His mama came to hold me and pray with me the night I came home from the hospital a widow. His three year old daughter and Xavier are friends who met in Sunday School.
I received an e-mail from my financial advisor. We need to have a phone conversation. One that I wouldn't be having if Bill was still alive. That was scheduled for Tuesday or Wednesday.
An e-mail from a sweet friend who had caterpillars that spun their cocoons and began hatching in about half the normal time. She remembered that I had said I'd like to see that sometime and she was hoping one would emerge while I was there if I could come for a quick visit.
Next Monday marks a year ago that one of my adopted sons died. My heart aches for his momma and other family.
A family I love had two of those "anniversaries" of family members this week.
Saturday I got a text saying "... has a mass".
Arrangements have been finalized to watch another adopted son coach. Next Saturday I will be dressed in orange watching University of TN.
Anger
Joy
Sadness
Happiness
Confusion
Clarity
Weariness
Excitement
temptation to get stuff done at the expense of relationships
choosing to be present with rather than make excuses
But more pressing than any of those things was the deep need to seek hard after the face of my Father, the God of all comfort and peace. Guess what? I have found Him faithful and near, just as He promises to be. I have seen His power and His love and His mercy and presence in "little" ways that have had a huge impact.
A back porch visit with my grieving friend last Friday afternoon. Remembering a life well lived and celebrating the life her son is now living. And crying over our loss.
Getting to see one of my adopted sons as part of the coaching staff for a high school football team last Friday night. Receiving a tight hug. Several actually. Hearing "I love you mom". Having him come to the fence before the second half began to make sure I was warm enough and ask if I needed anything. Afterward having a few minutes to chat. Talking about "Pops". Both of us blinking back tears more than once. Remembering to get a picture with him before I was in the car and he was on the bus.
Saturday traveling with the KCU Men's soccer team and watching them get a W.
Sunday was Homecoming at Oak Grove Church. I think at least one of my children has been home to go with me the last three years meaning this was the first one I attended alone. No need to look for a whole row to sit the family in. Tears as memories of faithful brothers and sisters who have gone home, but I could still "see" them filling their spots in the pews. Battling the lie that I was alone with the truth that I was surrounded by family. Jesus' blood makes it so. A friend wrapping me in a one armed hug as we stood singing "It is Well With My Soul."
Walking for an hour Monday evening while waiting for the KCU Women's soccer game to begin. Pleading with God to allow the images that were to be taken Tuesday morning to clearly reveal what was going on. On the same walk finding and picking up a penny, my reminder that "In God We Trust". I could leave the anxiety that was threatening me at His feet or I could carry it. If I chose to carry it, I'd have to pitch the penny.
A card of encouragement received from a dear, faithful friend Tuesday. Having the daughter of one of my now grown adopted daughters ask if I wanted to sit with her and be one of her mamaws for Grandparent's day at KCU Tuesday during chapel. Hearing a challenging message. Afterward getting to watch a dad play badminton with four of his six children while mom and I and the eldest watched and chatted. Remembering Bill playing games with our six. Brief conversations with each one in the family. Seeing the release of their newly emerged butterflies. Hearing dad say they waited until I could come out before letting them go. Watching the youngest ones chase them. Wishing I had done that when I homeschooled ours. Receiving a fresh picked flower from the littlest girl, a homemade brownie from the oldest boy.
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| priceless gifts |
Wednesday brought words of strong faith and choosing to trust spoken by one waiting for answers...
Thursday morning I received a text from a dear friend with this song that is new to me...
Last night I was thinking about all of the things that need taken care of.
Some are big.
I know I need to carry them to God quickly and I do so with little or no hesitation.
Some of them are little.
Little things have the potential to be the most debilitating.
Why?
Little things.
Before I know it, they can turn into big things.
What kind of big things they turn into depends on how I take care of them.
I think the best way to take care of all of the things in my life: good, bad, ugly, beautiful, hard, easy and everything in between, is to take them and lay them at the feet of Jesus. That's what I have been busy doing for the last week. Taking time to take care of things. I don't want to lose my focus.
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1&2
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