Bah Humbug

I have been trying to figure out why my attitude toward Christmas became "Bah! Humbug!" Well, not toward what Christmas is*, but about all that is wrapped around Christmas. The hustle and the bustle and the planning and the pressure to get "it" right, for everything to be perfect for everyone. Gifts. Cookies. Cards. Parties. Stocking stuffers. Bows. Tags that match. Candy. Never ending lists. Second Guessing choices. Exchanging. Returning. 
There was a time in my life I enjoyed it. Maybe even thrived on it.

Bah Humbug began to take root the first time I did not get it all right. I faltered. The next year, when I thought no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get it all "right", it grew. It thrived when I realized it would never all be picture perfect. I couldn't please everyone I thought I needed to please on a list that was never ending. So rather than continuing to fail, I quit. I buckled under the pressure I put on myself. I said I didn't care. But I lied. I cared immensely but I was tired. I didn't have the gumption to continue on the treadmill I had placed myself on and I didn't know how to cut back.

Then, three years ago when I was coming out of my slump, Bill died. Grief is hard work. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. There simply was not much energy left over after fighting to continue to walk each day by faith, in obedience and trust, with joy and confidence, to put much effort into gifts, cards, cookies, etc. and I was not much interested in going to parties alone.

This year I see a glimmer of the old energy and interest returning. Or maybe it is a new energy and interest. I think it is partially because I am older and wiser. Stronger and more discerning. My expectations have changed about what makes everything perfect. I know more deeply in my soul that what matters most is time spent worshipping the One whose birth we celebrate surrounded by people you love. Every. Single. Day. Not just in December. 

So this December I may bake cookies-but not several dozens at least ten different kinds. And if I don't get any baked and need cookies I won't feel guilty about buying them. I will mail some cards, but probably only to family who live out of town that I won't get to see. I will buy some gifts, some gift cards, have some cash on hand and plan to spend time doing fun stuff with the kiddos and grands when we go to Florida. I will decorate as I go along rather than thinking it all has to be done in one evening. And I will wrap it all up with love. I think it's going to be the best Christmas ever. 

*(I will never lose my sense of wonder that God loves us and proved it by sending His Son to earth as the baby whose birth Christmas celebrates.)

Bah Humbug is vanquished.