I am reusing this graphic from a post I wrote two years ago.

I am reusing this graphic from a post I wrote two years ago.

Why? Because it is relevant. 

Accurate. Meaningful. A depiction of the beautiful mess my life is.

I know I am not the only one, a friend shared it with me.

Maybe it will help someone else.

I used to think grief was linear. Like the drawing on the left. In my mind there was a timeline you progressed through in an orderly fashion. Once you passed through a stage you were pretty much immune to it's power to hurt you deeply should it dare come again. A year, give or take, was adequate time for things to fall into their new places, for life to become normal again. I was naive. 

It has been more than three years since I became a widow. 

The right side is a better picture of my experience.

Grief, for me, is not linear.

It is not predictable.

It is not neat and tidy.

It is not "one and done".

Grief can tie me up in knots if I let my focus become my losses.

Sometimes it takes me longer than it should, but when I find myself falling into the knot trap, I run to God and ask Him hold me, to keep me aware of His presence, to have His way in me. He never fails to provide comfort, peace, joy and rest for my weary heart and soul. This part of my experience through the stages of grief, my drawing close to Him, Him drawing me closer still, is missing in the artwork above. I wish it was on there. It's my favorite.