right between the eyes

I got a phone call from the dermatologist's office Tuesday. The biopsy came back confirming I have Basal Cell Carcinoma. I have surgery on March 6 to have it removed. Nothing I wasn't expecting. Nothing that scares me spitless. It is what I have suspected since mid- December when I saw my family doctor and asked him about the place on the bridge of my nose, right between my eyes. 

Basal Cell Carcinoma.
I know what that is.
I googled it. And checked WebMD.
Basal Cell Carcinoma is what I have referred to it as for 3 months.
That is not hard for me to say.

But today it hit me, right between the eyes. I have cancer. Skin cancer. The least invasive one if my research is right. I have been told, "If you are going to get cancer, this is the best one to get." But let's be honest-when waiting for results, no one wants to get the news that they were right. No one would be upset that their suspicion was wrong. No one wants to be able to check the yes box next to that C question on medical forms. And while it hit me in a new way today, for some reason I am not shaken. I am going to share why by taking excerpts from posts I have made on this date the last two years:

"Because of the deep grief in my life, 
I am different.
I am stronger,
I am more aware,
I am more joyful,
I am more purposeful in my relationships,
I am more deeply in love with Jesus.

Because of Jesus, who He was to Bill and who He is to me I know where Bill is. I know that he is more alive now than he ever was while I knew him. I know when I take my last breath here I will be going home. That fuels my hope. It feeds my joy. It gives me strength."

and

"I know it (grieving and living) is something I must do for myself, 
but I also know there is no way I could do it by myself.

I am thankful for those who are walking this road alongside me.

Whether you are seen or unseen, part of my daily life, a rare visitor, or in touch because you choose to call, stop by to chat, send a card, a FB message, an e-mail or text, every time you bring me and my family before the Father, each time you let me know I am in your thoughts, you are part of my healing.

I appreciate you. 

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; 

mourn with those who mourn."

Romans 12:15

and I found this verse tonight: 

"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure."

Psalm 16:8-9