power of a moment

there I sat
innocently
in my red lawn chair
on the sidelines at soccer practice
with the team(s) in front of me on the turf
like I have sat countless times before
when my mind started fluttering
toward a moment,
to a place I did not want to go

but regardless of what I wanted, suddenly I was fully there
in that hospital room two years and three weeks ago
our family doctor had spoken words of encouragement as he left the room
we were left alone, waiting,
me patiently,
Bill not so patiently,
for a GI doctor to come in for a consult
I was on my phone
Bill was resting with his eyes closed

and then "it" happened
I called for the nurse 
she called for the crash cart with a code that caused a crazy flurry of activity
I moved to the hall and began to pray
nurses stopped to check on me, to tell me the best specialist was in there
I did not notice when our family doctor re-entered the room
I thought he had left the hospital to begin the holiday weekend
but I was fully aware when he walked out with tears in his eyes
"There was nothing they could do. He is gone."

I have gotten to the place where I can let tears fall in public
but I am not yet to the place of allowing others to see the ugly cry
so this afternoon I stood
folded my chair
leaned it against the bench
and quietly walked away from the pitch
without a word to the guys or the coach
because I couldn't stop
I had to escape

I unlocked the car
opened the door
got behind the wheel 
grabbed another Kleenex from my purse
started the car and "In the eye of the storm" was playing
and the ugly cry began as I backed out of the parking place
I cried as I drove
ending up in shaded parking lot at the lake
and I heard a new song 

"...fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..."

Isaiah 41:10

I love the way God works.

This is the first thing I saw when I opened my FB page after I got home...

I say Amen, and thanks for sharing it Connie.

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