choosing life

choosing life

that has been my goal for years now

sometimes that choice is hard 

because it requires me to look beyond myself

it means making decisions that do not come naturally

it is a challenge

to get out of bed on mornings I simply want to burrow

to make decisions without second (or third or fourth) guessing myself

to interact with people when I am not "feeling it"

to confront situations and memories I'd rather run from 

choosing life means I will risk

being vulnerable 

being transparent

being honest 

being involved 

it is hard

to give myself permission to be sad-I am tired of being sad

to allow tears to fall when they need to-I don't like sand filled, red eyes

to not get impatient- I sometimes have unrealistic expectations for myself

to remember my mind has "a mind of it's own"-and it can ambush me

choosing life means 

I will smile and laugh when I can-and cry when I need to

I will dream new dreams-perhaps hesitantly, but I will dream

I will continue to grow and change-every single day

I will choose to love, to hope, to be thankful-even on hard days

"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. 

No one comes to the Father except through me.' "

John 14:6

I made the decision to follow Jesus and pursue life 39+years ago. 
"I have decided to follow Jesus" was a popular song at that time. 
Tonight I found this new take on that song. I like it. A lot.