processing grief

mourning has randomly but consistantly been having it's way with me recently

it is painful

it exhausts me

it stirs up restlessness

it manipulates my emotions 

it makes thinking clearly a challenge 

it interferes with my ability to be rational at times

today I gave myself time to process some thoughts

• pain is not lethal
• feeling sad is draining
• healing is happening
• running away is an option, maybe not a good one, but it is an option
• happy, wonderful things add stress, it's not "bad" but it is taxing
• trudging through quicksand is hard work
• throwing things is not okay
• I have to be mindful of the intention of the heart
• those fingerprints on my windows are beautiful
• saying everything I think is not wise
• being held is comforting and soothes raw places 
• love is powerful and dangerous
• I did not realize how much a part of my life Bill was until he wasn't
• just putting one foot in front of the other is good enough 
• there is incredible power in simply being present
• being vulnerable takes strength and courage
• being trustworthy can be costly, broken trust is more costly
• everyone is or has faced hidden, potentially debilitating  battles 
• Be kind. Always. Especially to those who don't "deserve" it.
• grief is now an integral part of my story
• ready or not, my life goes on and I want to live it well
• there is always, always, always something to be thankful for
• I am thankful for who I am because of what God has done

"Jesus loves me,

this I know,

for the Bible tells me so,

little ones to Him belong,

they are weak but He is strong!

Yes, Jesus loves me, 

yes Jesus loves me, 

YES, JESUS LOVES ME! 

the Bible tells me so."

"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:9-12