28/366 Library Encounter

For years this room was Bill's home office. 

If he wasn't at KCU you would most likely find him here. I didn't use or even enter this room much for a couple of years after he died. That changed the spring of 2017 when I tore up all the carpet in the house, painted all the ceilings and all the rooms and had hardwood floors installed. Except this room. I couldn't change the paint, wallpaper and chair rail. 

It is now my library. The new book shelves are on the wall opposite of where the old ones sat.

I was gifted a rolltop desk to replace his computer desk. 

I bought a new chair. 

This is where I sit with my coffee and breakfast, my prayer sheets, my Bible, my journal 

and our Jesus.

These are the windows across from the chair I sit in. 

I often look up and gaze out, staring but not really seeing if I am contemplating something I've read or am simply taking a break from thinking.

November 3, 2019. I had been wrestling, hard. I can't remember the specifics of what I was struggling with, maybe just life in general. I wasn't doubting God's love or His care, because I know those things are mine because I am His. But I was tired. Feeling overwhelmed. Wondering what was next. 2019 was a tough year for our family. I do remember what happened when I sighed big and looked up to take a break from thinking.

Look close at that building across the street. Do you see what I saw? I have been sitting here for at least 2 1/2 years at different times of almost every morning I am home and I have never seen the cross on that building before. Have I been blind? Or was it an answer to my prayer for God to open my eyes to see?

My spirit quickened within me. I was reminded of where to take my burdens. And even as I watched the shadow diminish as the sun moved, I was encouraged. I was energized. Nothing can take away the truth of the lengths God was willing to go to show how much He loves me. And you. 

"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:9-10

I've looked for that shadow again and again since that morning. 

I haven't seen it. 

But that's okay. 

God knows what I need, when I need it and He is faithful to provide. 

Sometimes in unusual ways.