I wonder...

 sometimes it's the little things that cause me to wonder the most

Last week a friend's daddy went home to be with Jesus. Last night I saw a collection of photos she posted of him and felt like I had been sucker punched. I didn't know the man and I wondered at the depth and strength of my reaction. My heart ached. It was hard to catch my breath. And as I grieved it began to make sense. I love big. I feel deeply. I know how much it hurts to lose your daddy. And I remember the first time I realized, after Bill died, that there would be no more pictures with or of him. 

I ugly cried.

This morning I went out to walk and when I got home wondered: Why does one particular person feel the need to leave whatever package he is delivering to my home directly in front of the door? There have been times I've barely had enough room to open the door and squeeze through. Once I had to go out the back door, around the house and slide the package because it was propped against the door and I couldn't open the door without knocking the box over and potentially damaging the product. 

And I wonder, what is going on in my heart that this triggers anger in me? 

This evening as I walked around Central Park in Ashland with Anita and TIffany after dinner I wondered: What made the bark on this tree grow so that it looks like it's been twisted? 

It was beautiful.

One thing I don't wonder about is where the light of the moon comes from. It reflects the sun. Sometimes all we can see is a tiny sliver, but that doesn't mean the moon is diminished in size. The whole moon is still there, even when I can't see it. 

I think about how I am like the moon and any light people see in me is simply a reflection of God's Son. And I wonder at God's patience with me. And I marvel at the richness of His mercy and grace and the lavishness of His love, because sometimes all I allow others to see is a tiny sliver rather than the full work He has done and continues to do in my life.