motoring along

There are times my mind races about what I have written "recently". 
It happened tonight when I thought back over this last month.
Thursday 3/29 complete silliness about chin hair.
Monday 3/26 missing Bill, affirming that love never dies.
Saturday 3/24, a recap of my trip, ending with a question about what fills me, fed by a donut that deceived me.
Friday 3/23 a hodge podge, included ugly cries, exhaustion, Vick's and grieving the loss of ordinary, everyday family life 
3/9 and 3/6 brought to you by my experience with basal cell carcinoma.
3/6 mental battles and the need to ask for reinforcements.
3/5 trust.
3/2, my hair-why I grew it, why I cut it and the reasons  tears fell after changing a photo chosen for a retreat flyer.

That makes ten posts in March, including this one. 

How can one woman's life spurn such a wide variety of subjects, ideas, experiences and thoughts to write about in such a short span of time? And those are only the ones I felt free to share. Some remain hidden because they are partially processed, too small, too big or too private.

Should I be concerned? There is no obvious theme. Should there be more consistency in the frequency of my posts? I used to write every day. Should I limit the subjects I share? Tying together what I write about is like trying to follow the steps of a sloppy, weaving drunk.

I find myself taking a big breath. 
A deep sigh. 
Asking more questions.

Am I feeding the chaos? 

Am I missing something? 

Or am I sharing truth, passing on encouragement by being vulnerable and honest that my life story is not perfectly planned and executed. It is messy. And confusing, even to me. Am I communicating clearly that the only reason I am able to keep going is I have found a trustworthy direction giver and I strive to follow His instructions, even when it is hard, even when they don't make sense. Because I know He knows what lies ahead.

My life is more similar to than different from yours. The situations and circumstances we face may be polar opposites, but I don't know anyone who has a life that perfectly follows a neatly laid out plan. Our issues vary, but we all encounter hazards. Bumps in the road. Potholes. Accidents. Detours. Washouts. Dead ends. Easy to navigate, "cruise control" sections can be few and far between. There are beautiful, scenic, smooth stretches. Sometimes they are nothing more than glimpses. For me the key to not missing those begins with asking God for open eyes to see and then opening my heart to appreciate what they are, not what I expect them to be.

I am convinced most of us are motoring along, day by day, doing the best we can with what we see ahead of us. Learning to adjust our speed. Learning how to navigate uncharted places. Learning to read the map and listen to directions. I sigh with relief. Isn't that what we are supposed to do?

"Make me know Your ways, O Lord;

Teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

For You are the God of my salvation;

For You I wait all the day."

Psalm 25:4-5

"Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path."

Psalm 119:105

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;

Fear the Lord and turn away from evil."

Proverbs 3:5-7