darkest night is before the dawn of day 95/366

this morning I was awakened from a solid sleep,
heart racing,
mind scrambling,
my spirit pressured to pray,
I opened my eyes to inky black darkness
a single bird trilling seems out of place,
it's song is light and cheery but the atmosphere is heavy

I pick up my phone to check the time
6:38 AM
fear?
dread?
compulsion?
a combination of all three drive me to pray with urgency
but for who?
I don't know
so I begin with those I know who are most at risk 

and as I pray, my mind is singing: 
"in the morning, when I rise
in the morning, when I rise
in the morning, when I rise
give me Jesus
give me Jesus
give me Jesus
you can have all this world
just give me Jesus"

there is no going back to sleep
the impression that I need to continue to pray is too great
I still don't have "a person" so I lift up everyone who comes to mind
old
young
inbetween,
even those unknown
it doesn't matter
this morning I am meant to pray

almost overwhelmed by the intensity 
I try distractions on my phone
anything to lessen this tension

the weather app tells me sunrise is 7:11
that means the darkness won't last forever
emails
facebook
but all of that lasts for only minutes
because the song persists
and the need to pray presses on
but as I pray, slowly,
dawn breaks the darkness

I sense a wooing to get out of bed and enjoy the sunrise with my Creator
by the time I get dressed and downstairs it is a few minutes after 7
the dawn has cast out all of the darkness 
a few strands of pink streak the sky to the east
it is late enough I can call mom to check on her without scaring her
she answers on the third ring and tears of gratitude begin to fall,
she is okay
I can breathe deeply, 
but I can't talk 
except to tell her I was awakened,
pressed upon to pray
she understands,
it happens to her too

as I prep my coffee and oatmeal I keep glancing out the kitchen window
looking for the promise
impatiently waiting for it
while breakfast cooks
I open the drapes in the family room,
looking for Sam
and there he is, 
laying under the swing
guarding my space
I look closely,
yes, his chest is raising and lowering
he is fine
I think about the neighbors grandson who had a fight with a chainsaw Thursday,
thankfully layers of stitches was all he needed,
and I pray for clean healing


I go back to the kitchen to watch and wait
at 7:21 my vigil is rewarded
the sun peeks over the car wash roof and is framed by the redbud branches 
my heart is lifted
and in awe I stand for 6 minutes watching beauty unfold
I try to capture it,
but my pictures do not come close

look, 
the branches of the white pine
and the red bud 
from this perspective,
form a heart around the sun 

breakfast is ready
I plan to take it to my quiet place in the library
but the sun is still rising
so I sit on the end of the couch,
bathed in the light,
praising the One who created it,
my heart soars with a different melody:
"Your love makes me sing...hallelujah, hallelujah..."
I sit, alone, but surrounded,
basking not only in the light of day 
but more so in the presence of the Light of the world





oh what a beautiful morning,
oh what a beautiful day
I've got a wonderful feeling
the God of Heaven watches over my days