healing update 2

Monday May 9

I stand corrected.

Cookout for lunch with my chauffeur from Sarah's to Grayson today

Two weeks ago I tried to easily explain my back surgery. I described it as a minor surgery that became major and  probable major complications had turned out to be minor inconveniences and how God's hand was all over this whole procedure.

Saturday April 30 Sarah explained why my children have adamantly refused to allow me to stay by myself. My surgeon had told her why I needed someone with me 24/7.

Last Thursday I went in for my second post op visit. I mentioned to the PA my choice of wording when trying to quickly explain my surgery. He quickly and firmly, but gently, corrected me. 

"No, you had a major surgery that got complicated. And we have ended up with a pretty good hand that was dealt from a very crappy deck." He explained, again, what happened and the implications. It made the things I have slowly become aware of over the last three and a half weeks, as I have been ready and able to process them, come into much clearer view.

I was hesitantly released from the 24/7 care rule, but only if I had a list of people to call who are available to come at a moments notice if I need them. (Which thankfully I have, but not because I considered I might actually need to call them.)

I don't know when the "No bending, lifting, twisting or straining" rule will be lifted. Well, I am allowed to lift, but only two handed, to move something from one place to another. Since the PA saw I was more mobile he clarified that the no lifting extended to no carrying things.  

I do know that as long as these limitations are in place, and it didn't sound like they will be changed anytime soon, that my normal life, especially this summer, is going to look very, very different.

Because I refuse to jeopardize my best recovery by giving into pride I am slowly adjusting to and accepting the reality of my limitations:

        

I will not be mowing my lawn.

I will not be working my flower beds.

I will not be pruning or caring for the raspberries.

I will not be pulling my trashcan to the curb on Monday nights.

I will need help with shopping

and cleaning 

and laundry 

and all the other "easy" jobs I am so used to doing myself. 

I think one of the hardest parts of this is that I "look" like I am doing great. And don't get me wrong, I am recovering well. But the inside is going to take a lot longer to heal properly than the outside. 

Please, pray for me. The longer this goes the more I am going to struggle with being concerned about what people think. Or what I think people are thinking.

"She's milking it."

"She's being lazy."
"She should be able to do that by now..."

I've never considered myself prideful.  

Am I stubborn? Absolutely. 

Independent. Yes. 

And I am going to be doing my best to hang onto that stubborn independence to follow doctors orders so that this time next summer I will have the probability of being able to do all things I wish I could do for myself now.