Sam

I have wondered.
I have suspected.
I have hoped I was wrong.
Last evening it was confirmed that I am right.
I am losing my mind, if I have not already lost it.

I was home alone.
Ruth, Kyle, Mia and Xavier were out on a walk.
It was just Sam and me in the back yard as I worked on one of my flower beds.
Sam looked at me and I looked at him.
And I spoke to him. Out loud. Like he was a person.

"Don't you dare."
Was he getting ready to dig or roll in my flower bed?
No, he was calmly laying there next me minding his own business.
But he was breathing weird.
And he is an old dog. 

"Don't you dare", were the only words I spoke,
but in my mind it was a full conversation.
"Don't you dare die here, in front of me, breathing weird.
Your master did that 20 months ago today.
I do not want to lose you the same way."

His breathing evened out.
He laid beside me as I pulled weeds and dug out rogue red raspberry plants,
preparing the bed so I could spread mulch.
Wherever I worked, he moved and stayed close as he usually does.
I am thankful.

When I opened the blinds in the family room this morning
I looked out and he was on the porch,
looking up expectantly to see who was there.
It made my heart smile.
I know he won't be around forever, but I am glad he is still here now.