what do you see?

sometimes
in the midst of sad or hard stretches
my focus slips, I lose my perspective
and I can easily get caught up in feelings rather than truth
today worked itself into a full head of steam toward one of those times 

To be frank, I am tired 

• of being tired
• of being ambushed and punched in the gut
• of tears sneaking up on me for "no good reason"
• of making decisions

This evening I pushed myself outside to walk.

I had absolutely no desire to do so,

but I knew it was something I needed to do.

As I headed up Main Street I was thinking about this blog post

considering contrasting victim and survivor mindsets.

Victims seem to get caught up in and focus on 

the bad thing(s) that have happened to them

it is almost as if they cannot see anything else.

Survivors on the other hand,

seem to acknowledge the bad, 

but determine to do everything in their power 

to not allow it to consume or control them.

As I walked around the corner from Main Street to Landsdown

I thought about how bad stuff happens to everybody

and how I want to choose to be a survivor, not a victim.

Part of my daily route has become the loop around the small cemetery,

the one we buried Bill's body in. 

As I neared the part of the hill where I can look over and see our headstone

I saw that the wind had once again blown the flowers over.

I mumbled to myself 

• "I am tired of the wind"
• "I am tired of having to walk over there"
• "I am tired of picking up the marbles out of the grass
• "I am tired of having to rearrange the flowers"

As a victim of the power of the wind I grumbled.

As a survivor I walked over to where the mess was.

As I knelt to begin the task of putting it all back together,

I was stopped as I saw, really saw, what was in front of me.

When my focus changed, so did my attitude.

sun glistened off of the marbles

creating a rainbow in the grass

the Johnny Jump Ups are blooming

beauty I could choose to enjoy

or ignore

As I walked away I thought about the photo I took the other day.

This is of my driveway storm door glass.

What do you see?

The sun reflecting off of the glass?

A messy window that needs cleaned?

I see those things. 

They are, after all, almost impossible to miss.

But I see something else as well.

I see the faces of the little ones those fingerprints belong to.

Beauty I can choose to see or ignore.

As I headed farther down Landsdown,

on the backside of Waters Hall at KCU

I was watching where I was walking

because the sandy deposit in the road can be slick

and I didn't want to end up on my backside.

I had to take a second look at one point.

A smile lit my face as I stopped.

Many of you would have walked past the penny,

if you had even seen it.

But I cannot pass up a penny.

Not because of the monetary value,

but because every time I see one I am reminded of something priceless.

"In God We Trust"

He sees me. He loves me. He knows me.

It is as if i can hear Him say

"I got you girl!"

every single time I see one.

Beauty I can see or ignore.

 I did an extra lap around the cemetery loop.

I realized what I needed to write about.

I wanted a picture to go along with it.

I took my phone out of my pocket.

Got ready to take the picture.

My battery was dead.

In the cemetery.

Go figure.

So I continued my walk.

Pondering the reminders that God had brought to my attention.

When I walked in the house I smelled something wonderful.

Supper.

Kyle had grilled hot dogs, 

Ruth made Velveeta Shells mac and cheese.

I plugged in my phone to charge while I ate.

After dinner I drove to the cemetery to get my picture.

And saw this-

something I missed on the first two trips.

What do you see?

A million dandelion seeds?

That's a tempting and accurate evaluation.

But this evening I was transported back to childhood

and when I noticed this I saw a million dreams/wishes-

beauty to be seen or ignored.

Our focus, our perspective, 

makes a huge difference in the way we see and approach life.

 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18