" what would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

This is one of the ways I treat myself. 
It isn't the ice cream so much as it is the chocolate coating that draws me. 
And after a full day of shopping, ending at Walmart, I needed a treat.

As I enjoyed my Klondike, 
savoring the chocolate that slid off in small "sheets" as I carefully nibbled,
I scrolled FB to get caught up on the latest news. 
Videos of Noell and Kaelyn's baptisms 4/28/13 came up. 
Sweet, sweet, heart full of joy memories.

I moved on to look at my notifications. 
Sarah "liked" two pictures I was tagged in, so I investigated.
This is the first one:

FUN! A T-ball game in progress in the gym at KCU 4/28/14.

This photo led me to others from that day. I had forgotten that two years ago we did spring "Grandma and Aunt Sarah camp" this week. We played games, did crafts and visited the new babies in our family, Benjamin and Xavier.

We had a storm that left hail.

coloring string bags

4/28/14 celebrating Noell and Kaelyn's first
spiritual birthday with
Angel Food cake

Aunt Sarah and Benjamin.

Aunt Sarah and Xavier.

Benjamin was two months old and Xavier was a few days old. 
I kept pushing the little arrow to see the next picture. 
And this one came up.

Bill holding Addyston, trying to get her to pet Sam.
She was, at this time, terrified of Sam and wanted nothing to do with him.
She is better now, she will actually pet him.

That picture of Bill brought out the tears.
And another Klondike bar.
I thought it would make me feel better. 

It didn't.

Tonight I feel a little like those two wrappers look.
A little worse for the wear.
Manhandled. Empty. Something is missing.
As a dear friend of mine texted me earlier,
"Grief doesn't play fair"

Last night it played a new card. One that took me completely by surprise. 
As I was trying to go to sleep my mind yelled at me: 
"It is Wednesday night."
I thought, "So what, it's Wednesday."
It got more aggressive and in my face,
"It is the 27th of the month.
The last night you spent at home with Bill was a Wednesday the 27th."

Ooof. Sucker punched in the gut.
I have battled the Friday the 29th card, 
but not the Wednesday card. 
Reliving Thursday the 28th and Friday the 29th began a day early. 
With an unwelcome bonus.

The last three days we had together.
And how we didn't know it was our last days.
And wondering if I should have/could have done anything different.

Then remembering that I was just a week out of knee surgery, 
still on pain medication, 
so I can't even remember those days clearly.

It has been a long day of shopping because I was trying to distract myself. 

The price and reward of loving deeply is feeling deeply. 
Sometimes it is pleasant. Sometimes it is painful.
The past 24 hours has been a hodgepodge of both.

April 29, 2014.

If you want to watch a fun Klondike Bar commercial, 
I can recommend YouTube and the 1983 commercial.
The man went ape :)
Beware, some of the others are crude.