when pennies speak to a hurting heart

Tonight the longer I walked the more I missed Bill and the time when our family was all together in one place.

Tonight it seemed like those were much simpler and easier times. 

I have begun to walk the cemeteries behind Dale and Waters at KCU because it is good exercise. As I started up the hill of the second cemetery tears began to fall down my face. I took a Kleenex out of the back pocket of my capri's.

By the time I got to the second bend I wondered if I should have kept all four Kleenex I pulled out of the box before I left rather than putting two back.

 As I approached the crest of the hill the first Kleenex was pretty wet and the tears were coming faster.

I rounded the top of the hill contemplating stopping because I was growing more upset with each step.

 I began the descent on the verge of sobbing. 
The thought, "I may need to call Ruth to come get me" crossed my mind.

 I stopped at these steps, sat and had an ugly cry. Knowing I should have kept all four Kleenex because the second one was quickly becoming as useless as the first now was. I prayed, pouring out my heart to God. A car rounded the top of the hill, slowed and I kept my face buried in my hands, not caring if they could hear me, knowing I could not finish my walk if I did not finish my cry and prayer. I fleetingly wondered if I should get up so they would be comfortable stopping and taking care of the business they were there for. But I decided this time what I needed was more important than my pride. If they needed to, they could stop. I was comfortable letting them see and hear me mourn. They didn't stop.

 When the tears slowed I looked across the field to the cemetery where Bill's body is buried. I blew my nose and finished the trek to the bottom of the hill.

I had to decide-turn right to go home early...

or turn left to complete my normal route.

I chose to go left, stopped in Lusby to go to the bathroom and to get toilet paper in case the tears began again.

Instead of completing the circle around campus I back tracked so I could go up the hill again to get pictures. As I retraced my steps I noticed something-

a penny,
reminding me that God loves me
and He is holding me

as I wondered "how do you see something that small on blacktop like this?"

take a look at this-

another penny-

it was almost as if I could hear God speaking

"just in case you did not quite get the message with the first penny you noticed, here is another reminder-

girl, I have you, always."