going back to school- should I or shouldn't I ?

why would I face this traffic

I hate crowded school parking lots
people seem to lose their minds when they drive in them
I blessed the last day I had to wait in a pick up line for one of  my kids
and never planned on placing myself in that position again

why would I stand patiently in a line like this
in a place I am unfamiliar with, surrounded by people I don't know
when I don't have to be there
especially since I wanted to run to my car after the first few seconds 

because the gentleman ahead of me, with his gray hair and long sleeved white dress shirt, reminded me of Bill
and all I could think of for a few minutes was 
if Bill was here he would be standing here next to me, holding my hand

why?
to see this face:

today Addi Rae's school celebrated grandparents day
we read a few books with her snuggled on my lap 
we talked about her school work and where she sits
the children treated us grandparents by singing three songs 
given the opportunity, I would do it again tomorrow

going to school early this afternoon to see Addi Rae,
seeing someone who reminded me of Bill,
thinking back to grandparent's day celebrations we attended at a different school had me missing Bill a lot
which made going to school for soccer practice this evening hard
I was dreading sitting in the stands 
I was sure memories would flood and so would my eyes

as I sat at practice I was thinking about how draining grief is 

I keep trying to figure out how doing "nothing" can be so tiring
I was debating whether to stay or check out early when I got this text:

the praying hands emoji
that is all it took for my tears to start rolling
as soon as I saw it my heart was full to bursting
peace rolled over me
and I knew without a doubt 
that going to school is exactly what I need to be doing
every chance I get

sitting at the field watching practice,
attending Chapel,
looking for food to eat in the cafeteria,
all of it makes a difference-
in my life and in the lives of the students I mingle with

the text was from one of my soccer girls who has graduated
if I hadn't made being at school a priority
we wouldn't have a relationship,
I wouldn't have received the text or the prayers I know she was lifting up
going back to school,
even after Bill was no longer there,
is one of the best decisions I ever made