some things never change

oh how I miss holding his hand

I keep telling myself, 
"this is going to get easier", but it doesn't
true, it is not as fresh and raw as it first was 
and tears do not come every single day 
but that does not mean "it" is any easier
every day I am vividly aware of this new life companion,
grief

large and unavoidable
sometimes it attacks viciously and openly
sometimes it lies hiding, waiting for a perfect ambush
it has changed me
it has changed our family
we will never be the same
how could we be?

my expectations are more and less
my tolerance has shifted
my focus is both honed and scattered
my dependence has increased
my boundaries have different parameters
my choices are made with a new mindset
I have been driven into an ever deepening relationship with my True love

I trust God to take care of me
I hope in His promises 
I rely on Him to bear my burdens
I depend on Him to meet each one of my needs
I expect Him to remain ever faithful and true
I soak up His grace, His mercy, His comfort, His compassion
and I rest in His presence, knowing that He never changes

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8