held by a rainbow 168/366

sometimes I take leave of my senses and do things I know I shouldn't do
this evening that included what I term "eating my feelings"
translation:
I had all kinds of emotions warring today
I didn't want to stop and identify them
let alone acknowledge and process them
so I avoided them 
by reading and keeping myself busy with piddly stuff
those distractions didn't do anything for me
and finally this evening I caved and raided the freezer
I found a Snicker's ice cream treat I'd forgotten about and savored every bite
naturally that didn't solve anything 
so I went back for the second, 
thankfully it was also final one
and polished it off without a thought
I really wish I had paused
and reconsidered
and acknowledged the truth-
I was going to feel gross within ten minutes of the last delicious bite

as the "oh that was a stupid choice" settled into my gut, literally,
I made a rash decision
I wasn't going to sit and brood over my bad choice
for the first time I was going to do something to counter it
I laced up my walking shoes for the second time today and set out to walk them off
cross Carole Malone, go toward Main Street
up Main Street, right at Landsdowne,
down around the boys dorm at KCU, 
along the edge of the parking lot,
taking in the entrance loop
I checked the calories burned count and decided I needed a second loop 
and that's when I saw it
a rainbow
at 8:37 pm
with no storm, no rain, not even a mist
at least not in the atmosphere around me

but inside the deluge was set free
and I struggled to keep from sobbing,
not because I didn't want to cry
but because I'm not as careful about keeping Kleenex with me as I once was
and I didn't want to snot all over my shirt

this rainbow tonight was a special gift 
from God the Father
to me

a reminder that even in my doubt
in my restlessness
in my floundering
in my bad choices
in my good choices
in every moment of every day
He is faithful

as I continued walking,
savoring that truth 
and pondering His goodness 
I looked up at the sky again
and there was a second rainbow

in fact, this one was a double

and it was in my line of vision for the remainder of my walk

for a full eight minutes it held me in my Father's arms
and in that long, 
short time, 

no rainbow here,
but look at the colors in the western sky
as the Father closed out the day

it brought order to the chaos in my heart
because not only is He faithful,
He is lavish
in love
in kindness
in patience