experience is only useful when you heed it

I know better.

but I wasn't diligent

and I did it again

because I've not been listening 

I fell into the same old snare

and got trapped

into hustling

bustling,

busy doing,

pushing, accomplishing "stuff"

without taking time 

to pause

to rest

to resolve troubling thoughts

to acknowledge and manage stress

to address concerns

to work through feelings

I allowed myself to become exhausted

mentally

emotionally

spiritually

physically

Monday my whole being felt it 

and rebelled, 

begging,

no, demanding, 

I simply stop

so I spent about ten hours on the back porch

enjoying a perfect weather day

coming inside only when absolutely necessary

alternately I enjoyed the swing

the rocker

the lawn chair

the futon 

(I even tried to nap, below there is a video of sounds from that time)

at the close of the day

I chose to sit

quietly

absorbing the beauty of the sky changing

preparing to usher in the night

8:54 pm 

8:58 pm

9:02 pm

I needed an afternoon and evening like today

to intentionally slow down

to be still

to recover

to recharge

to rest

to listen

the changes throughout the day were subtle,

but noteworthy and beautiful

all I wanted to do was take a nap

and instead I got an audible representation 

of what I have been allowing to go on unchallenged internally; 

all the feelings and troubling thoughts I've tried to ignore and silence

have been demanding attention, preventing real rest

As I laid with my eyes closed the sounds assaulting my ears were a more powerful picture than a video of the birds, windchimes, vehicles, etc. would be so I placed my phone face down to capture the experience.

 3:44 pm