living in between

This week I have pondered what Mary, the Apostles, the disciples, believers, even unbelievers, may have been feeling and thinking between Friday's crucifiction and Sunday's resurrection. I think that they probably experienced some of the same emotions I have faced.

Surprise

Shock

Trust

Fear

Denial

Faith

Despair

Pain

Hope

Somedays the hardest part about grieving is choosing to function:

to get out of bed

to shower

to get dressed

to eat

to exercise

to be civil

to interact

to care 

to invest

One of the most challenging things is not being afraid to live:

in the present

to cry when I need to

to laugh when I have the opportunity

to make choices based on my preferences

to not feel guilty that I am not miserable

to enjoy sunshine and rain

to embrace change

to dream 

to look fear in the eye and say "you will not rule my life"

Some things I have learned more deeply in the last 31 weeks: 

God is good

God's ways are not my ways

God is near to the brokenhearted

God loves me more than I realized

God will provide EVERYTHING I need

God delights in giving unexpected gifts

there is power in prayer

there is power in community

peace and joy can be experienced even in the midst of grief

"My flesh and my heart may fail,

    but God is the strength of my heart 

and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:26

"But for me it is good to be near God;
    I have made the Lord God my refuge,
    that I may tell of all Your works."

Psalm 73:28