lonely
Yesterday I went into chapel and chose a row that was empty.
It doesn't bother me to be by myself.
I have thought that I could easily become a hermit.
I was about ten minutes early.
I watched students interact with one another.
I heard the buzz created by a hundred different conversations.
As I sat there I began to wonder:
why am I here-
in chapel
at KCU?
should I be here?
do I belong?
what is my purpose/role?
would it make a difference if I wasn't here?
I began to pray.
Just as I finished praying there was a tap on my shoulder.
One of my boys and his girl were sitting behind me.
I hadn't even noticed them come in.
"Mom, do you want to join us so you are not alone?"
I quickly picked up my purse and joined them.
During prayer I grabbed his hand and held tight.
Yesterday afternoon I wrote him this FB message:
"so, usually it does not bother me to be by myself. I actually enjoy it. This morning for some reason I was struggling with being alone in that row. It felt weird. I was wondering where I fit in, if I belonged there still, etc and was praying. I had just finished talking to God about how I wanted to honor Him, please Him and allow Him to be enough/provide what I need when I need it when you tapped me on the shoulder Love you Tanner- I can't begin to put into words how powerful it was for me when you invited me to sit with you and Jessie. I kept wanting to tell you but knew I would burst in to tears, so I am writing you this note. Again, thank you and Love you!"
I saw him last evening and he told me it was Jessie's idea.
When I saw her I gave her a hug, kissed her on the cheek and told her thank you.
I don't care whose idea it was-
I am just thankful they both listened to the Lord's prompting and reached out to me in love.
I was lonely-God touched me through them.
This morning I crossed Carole Malone to begin what I hope will become my daily walk. It was about 8:30 and I heard
"Good morning mom!" I looked up at the row of cars stopped at the red light. It was Devin, another one of my boys on his way to class. I would have never known he was there if he hadn't rolled down his window and greeted me.
I don't know how long my stint as "mom/mommaD" at KCU will last, but the last 24 hours have convinced me that it isn't over yet, and that God sees-God cares-and He uses people to touch my life.
I have concluded that the hermit life is not the life for me.
It doesn't bother me to be by myself.
I have thought that I could easily become a hermit.
I was about ten minutes early.
I watched students interact with one another.
I heard the buzz created by a hundred different conversations.
As I sat there I began to wonder:
why am I here-
in chapel
at KCU?
should I be here?
do I belong?
what is my purpose/role?
would it make a difference if I wasn't here?
I began to pray.
Just as I finished praying there was a tap on my shoulder.
One of my boys and his girl were sitting behind me.
I hadn't even noticed them come in.
"Mom, do you want to join us so you are not alone?"
I quickly picked up my purse and joined them.
During prayer I grabbed his hand and held tight.
Yesterday afternoon I wrote him this FB message:
"so, usually it does not bother me to be by myself. I actually enjoy it. This morning for some reason I was struggling with being alone in that row. It felt weird. I was wondering where I fit in, if I belonged there still, etc and was praying. I had just finished talking to God about how I wanted to honor Him, please Him and allow Him to be enough/provide what I need when I need it when you tapped me on the shoulder Love you Tanner- I can't begin to put into words how powerful it was for me when you invited me to sit with you and Jessie. I kept wanting to tell you but knew I would burst in to tears, so I am writing you this note. Again, thank you and Love you!"
I saw him last evening and he told me it was Jessie's idea.
When I saw her I gave her a hug, kissed her on the cheek and told her thank you.
I don't care whose idea it was-
I am just thankful they both listened to the Lord's prompting and reached out to me in love.
I was lonely-God touched me through them.
This morning I crossed Carole Malone to begin what I hope will become my daily walk. It was about 8:30 and I heard
"Good morning mom!" I looked up at the row of cars stopped at the red light. It was Devin, another one of my boys on his way to class. I would have never known he was there if he hadn't rolled down his window and greeted me.
I don't know how long my stint as "mom/mommaD" at KCU will last, but the last 24 hours have convinced me that it isn't over yet, and that God sees-God cares-and He uses people to touch my life.
I have concluded that the hermit life is not the life for me.
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