no more sympathy

sympathy is a wonderful thing,
a valuable thing,
an important thing
it is what I had for people who lost someone they love

but when my unborn baby died 
what I had for people who lost a child changed
I no longer had sympathy for them

sympathy is what I had for people who lost a parent
when my dad died that changed me 
and all my sympathy for that situation went out the door 

sympathy is what I had for people who lost a spouse 
and I valiantly began writing notes in the sympathy cards I sent:
"I commit to praying for you for the next year"
and I thought I was doing a noble thing...
until Bill died
and I lost almost all of my ability to feel sympathy when others face a loss

now what I experience is more costly,
it lasts longer
it hurts more deeply
it sometimes drains me
it can even ambush me
sympathy has given way to empathy
and I wouldn't have it any other way

Well, I wouldn't most of the time. 
I could do without the feelings of guilt I wrestle with when I find myself chastising me:
 "You have no right to feel that deeply, the loss is theirs, not yours." 

When that happens an internal dialogue begins that goes something like this: 
"I know it is their loss. I am not taking away from that truth. I am not claiming the loss to be mine. Sympathy would allow me to turn and walk away. To leave it be. I have done that. Sometimes I still do. But not this time. Not this person. Not this loss. I can't help the pain I am feeling. I hurt for them. I hurt for me. So leave me be. Quit berating me. I am allowed to feel this pain. It is a part of loving deeply. And I am not willing to give that kind of love up. That would be far more painful, far more costly. It would be devastating. So I think I'll pass on the sympathy this time and hold onto my empathy. " 

Thank you online English Oxford dictionaries for the clarity
sympathy:

feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.

empathy:
   the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Usage

People often confuse the words empathy and sympathy. Empathy means ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another’ (as in both authors have the skill to make you feel empathy with their heroines), whereas sympathy means ‘feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune’ (as in they had great sympathy for the flood victims)