Dollar Tree for the win 137/366

never have I felt the need to reward myself for going to Dollar Tree...
until today
some of you will read this post and think
"what's the big deal?"
some will read and think
"why did you go for that?"
some will read and understand

I've been tossing the idea of going to $ Tree back and forth all week
I haven't been inside a store for two months
I have very kind and generous friends who have done my grocery shopping for me
and the things that were on my list are not "necessities"
I can live without them just fine
but I needed to go 
because I was getting to a place where fear was growing unhealthily

thinking about going shopping should not feel like a frightening huge hairy monster
this store is close and small, a good place to begin
I was confident this morning when I made that trip my "thing to do" today
but the longer the day went on, the less bold I became
I'm not sure if it was the idea of wearing a mask
knowing this was a trip for wants instead of needs
or feeling like I was breaking some rule

I finally decided it was time to put on my "big girl panties" and try to follow through
when I arrived I sat in the parking lot for a few minutes, 
wrestling with actually going in 
or if making it this far was good 
I opened my mask, put it on and promptly took it off
got out of the car, thinking "I'll just carry it with me 
if someone is coughing or a worker asks, I'll put it on"

keys, wallet, mask, list in hand I approached the door
stopped by signs, all kinds of signs
... including one requesting customers to wear a mask
so out of respect, I put it on
it only took a few seconds inside the store for my heart to begin racing,
my stomach fluttered and my face began sweating
it got so bad it felt like my eyeballs were fogging up!
I was in the store for 22 minutes and as soon as I got outside 
I threw my mask in the trashcan I passed on my way to my car

it was the longest quick trip I have ever made
I got foam board to make a book for a ladies event
something to rest my bar soap on so it doesn't get gaumy  
hooks to hang up costume jewelry in the playroom
and a few things I didn't realize I "needed" until I saw them
it will be awhile before I go back, maybe not 2 months, but probably not next week
today I celebrated victory over fear with a $6 DQ meal