time does NOT heal all things 138/366

maybe it is watching Sam, "his" dog, become slower moving, more fragile

having him stick closer to me than he normally does like he knows something I don't 

knowing he won't live forever
feeling guilty that I pray for him to simply go to sleep and not wake up
especially when he breathes weird

maybe it is the holiday coming up next weekend
images of his smile as he cooked burgers and hotdogs on the grill
maybe it is pictures and remembrances of him popping up everywhere
in my memories
and in things my friends and kids are sharing with me
maybe it is my subconscious reliving our last vacation together 
how was it six years ago this week?
how can it all seem like yesterday
while at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago

all I know for sure is that I am missing my husband
my friend, my lover, my confidante

in deep, crashing, fresh waves today