is Friday or Monday? 150/366
it's been awhile since a Friday felt like a "Monday"
but I woke this morning feeling unaccountably "off"
it wasn't until I sat down to with my Bible and journal,
writing the date before I began reading and recording my thoughts,
that I realized it is Friday, the 29th day of a month
Bill took his last breath on a Friday the 29th day of a month
and the unease/heaviness began to make a little sense
this feeling just comes over me sometimes
I have learned:
it won't last
to give myself grace and spend the day "doing" nothing but letting my mind and emotions do the work of grieving they need to do
it will, more than likely, be much better tomorrow
I take my breakfast to the library with me
allowing my oatmeal to cool while I journal,
sipping my coffee while I pray
this morning there was no coffee,
but I did have a small bowl of fresh pineapple to enjoy
when I finished I gathered my dishes to head to the kitchen
I don't know what distracted me,
but I set my Sunflower yellow Fiesta Gusto and fruit bowls on the corner of my desk,
turned to do whatever I was going to do
and heard a crash
heart down around my ankles I turned
there was nothing to salvage
so I got the broom and swept up fragments too small to gather by hand
I went to the back porch to enjoy the sunshine
I also needed to take a few deep breaths
the gravity chair and futon cushions could use a cleaning before I sat on them
so back into the house I went for the vacuum cleaner
I don't like the smell of stale dirt so I empty the canister after every use
and somehow, today, I managed to hit the edge of the trash can
I grabbed my broom, again, swept up the mess, and returned outside
Lunch time rolled around and DQ sounded good
storms have been playing hide and seek here all day
the last two times I've gone to DQ a deluge has let loose when I order
I intended to avoid another in car shower so I took off when the sky was clear
I sat in line and just as the vehicle two in front of me began to order, raindrops fell
"grrrr, not again" I thought with a mental big sigh
I was stuck in the middle of a long line,
no chance to escape, so I sat and worked to keep negative thoughts at bay
I was relieved it turned out to be only a few seconds of rain
it took a solid fifteen minutes before the truck pulled away
only one person in front of me now...
they didn't take nearly as long to order
I smiled as I pulled forward
I thought our DQ was taking a page from Chik-fil-a
a worker was walking toward my car with a headset on
"I'm sorry, our registers are down. It will be another 5-10 minutes before they are up."
I sighed and pulled away, headed home, knowing that with the way my day was going it would more than likely be a lot longer than what she anticipated
I grilled a hamburger on my George Foreman grill
put the last of my watermelon in a bowl
grabbed a Fizze and went out to enjoy a porch picnic
Sam stumbled around my feet and hit the small table with my GC citronella candle on it
"oh, Sam"
again, nothing left to salvage
back into the house I went with my burger so it didn't become dog food,
very carefully sitting the plate in the middle of the bar as I went for the broom,
hopefully for the last time today,
the third time's a charm, right?
and as I swept up broken glass I made a decision
I was staying put for the rest of the day
I wanted to say "get behind me Satan" but I was afraid he'd push me over the edge
and there is no sense in tempting fate 😇
I chose to just chill on my back porch,
watching storm clouds chase blue skies chase storm clouds
enjoying the breezes that moved across my skin
I know these are not life shattering or changing events
that they are, in the whole scheme of things, simply annoyances
but grieving is tiresome,
I really like that color yellow,
and the Gold Canyon citronella candles work to keep mosquitos at bay
if I allowed it to happen
today's "stuff" could become sources of dismay and discontent,
they could become distractions from bigger life and loss issues
Why?
because tacks are harder to sit on than mountains
I am thankful I've learned to focus on what is good in life,
even in the midst of being sad about what is not, both have their place
but I woke this morning feeling unaccountably "off"
it wasn't until I sat down to with my Bible and journal,
writing the date before I began reading and recording my thoughts,
that I realized it is Friday, the 29th day of a month
Bill took his last breath on a Friday the 29th day of a month
and the unease/heaviness began to make a little sense
this feeling just comes over me sometimes
I have learned:
it won't last
to give myself grace and spend the day "doing" nothing but letting my mind and emotions do the work of grieving they need to do
it will, more than likely, be much better tomorrow
I take my breakfast to the library with me
allowing my oatmeal to cool while I journal,
sipping my coffee while I pray
this morning there was no coffee,
but I did have a small bowl of fresh pineapple to enjoy
when I finished I gathered my dishes to head to the kitchen
I don't know what distracted me,
but I set my Sunflower yellow Fiesta Gusto and fruit bowls on the corner of my desk,
turned to do whatever I was going to do
and heard a crash
heart down around my ankles I turned
there was nothing to salvage
so I got the broom and swept up fragments too small to gather by hand
I also needed to take a few deep breaths
the gravity chair and futon cushions could use a cleaning before I sat on them
so back into the house I went for the vacuum cleaner
I don't like the smell of stale dirt so I empty the canister after every use
and somehow, today, I managed to hit the edge of the trash can
I grabbed my broom, again, swept up the mess, and returned outside
Lunch time rolled around and DQ sounded good
storms have been playing hide and seek here all day
the last two times I've gone to DQ a deluge has let loose when I order
I intended to avoid another in car shower so I took off when the sky was clear
I sat in line and just as the vehicle two in front of me began to order, raindrops fell
"grrrr, not again" I thought with a mental big sigh
I was stuck in the middle of a long line,
no chance to escape, so I sat and worked to keep negative thoughts at bay
I was relieved it turned out to be only a few seconds of rain
it took a solid fifteen minutes before the truck pulled away
only one person in front of me now...
they didn't take nearly as long to order
I smiled as I pulled forward
I thought our DQ was taking a page from Chik-fil-a
a worker was walking toward my car with a headset on
"I'm sorry, our registers are down. It will be another 5-10 minutes before they are up."
I sighed and pulled away, headed home, knowing that with the way my day was going it would more than likely be a lot longer than what she anticipated
I grilled a hamburger on my George Foreman grill
put the last of my watermelon in a bowl
grabbed a Fizze and went out to enjoy a porch picnic
Sam stumbled around my feet and hit the small table with my GC citronella candle on it
"oh, Sam"
again, nothing left to salvage
back into the house I went with my burger so it didn't become dog food,
very carefully sitting the plate in the middle of the bar as I went for the broom,
hopefully for the last time today,
the third time's a charm, right?
and as I swept up broken glass I made a decision
I was staying put for the rest of the day
I wanted to say "get behind me Satan" but I was afraid he'd push me over the edge
and there is no sense in tempting fate 😇
I chose to just chill on my back porch,
watching storm clouds chase blue skies chase storm clouds
enjoying the breezes that moved across my skin
I know these are not life shattering or changing events
that they are, in the whole scheme of things, simply annoyances
but grieving is tiresome,
I really like that color yellow,
and the Gold Canyon citronella candles work to keep mosquitos at bay
if I allowed it to happen
today's "stuff" could become sources of dismay and discontent,
they could become distractions from bigger life and loss issues
Why?
because tacks are harder to sit on than mountains
I am thankful I've learned to focus on what is good in life,
even in the midst of being sad about what is not, both have their place
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