when God says no

 

This is the first message I received today. We have a family group text and we share important (and some not so important, but fun) stuff there. Ruth took this picture before or sometime during her early morning run in Vancouver Washington this morning. It stilled my heart and set the tone for my day. The conversation that ensued sent me on a journey of remembrance.

I absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, am more easily aware of God's presence when I am outside in nature, even if it's only on my back porch, than I am anywhere else. I vividly remember when we moved to Grayson begging God to give us a house that was "out", meaning somewhere with trees all around, maybe a creek but definitely a place with room to explore with the kids. We'd left 5 acres of wooded property in Ohio that we'd planned to build a log home on. God said no to those plans of building to make the move to Grayson more easier and more attractive. I wouldn't have been so supportive, eager or willing to make that transition if I'd been sitting in my dream home when Bill got the offer to come to KCU.

It took a year, but we found a perfect house, with the space and bedrooms we needed. In town. We bought it. I renewed my prayers, thinking we would stay in this house for a few years then find another one, all the while telling God how much easier it would be to be aware of His presence and how much deeper I could love Him if I wasn't surrounded by neighbors and traffic. He gently, then not so gently since I wouldn't listen, taught me that He is as close to me in the city as I will allow Him to be. If I didn't see Him it's because I wasn't looking. He patiently and kindly taught me that He is near, no matter where I am. That my love for Him should not depend on circumstances. If He had given me what I asked for I very well may have began loving and worshipping the creation rather than Creator.

Thinking about those "no's" brought others to mind. Like being in high school, with my drivers license. My dad promised me a car. He never bought me one. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Telling God that if He would just have my dad follow through with what he said he would do, I would be able to be at church every Sunday. Morning and night. Wednesday evenings too. I had people who willingly and lovingly made sure I was there, but I was using that argument as a bartering chip. God graciously denied my request. More than likely because He wasn't so concerned about where I was Sunday morning, etc. as He was aware of where that kind of freedom would take me Friday and Saturday nights...

When our dear friend Eileen sold her house I thought it was a perfect time to have my dream fulfilled. Her son built it and it's a lovely home that sits on 30+ acres. Our kids were as at home there as they were in the house we owned. The property behind and beside her is owned by the Corp of Engineers. No one would be building up there other than the few weekend getaway cabins that were scattered along the road that ends in her driveway. Again, God said no. I didn't understand then. I do now. If I was there by myself now, it would be a lot to keep up with and my kids would probably worry about me being there by myself because it is so isolated.

Other examples come to mind, but these suffice to explain why I have learned that "no" can be the most loving thing my Father can say to me when I ask Him for something...