an honest letter from a distracted mind

Dear family and friends,
I want to care about all of it
I want to be interested in the things that capture your attention
I want to be fully present, not merely "there" when we talk
but, 
if I am brutally honest
with you
with myself
sometimes it is too much
sometimes I am weary 
sometimes I am overwhelmed
information overload hits hard
and I am not able to muster the attention to detail 
that I know you want
that I think you deserve
I wish I could
so I nod my head and smile if we are together
I quickly scan written things hoping I get the gist 
I numbly scroll past some things,
knowing I am in no shape to pay close attention,
all the time hoping I glean enough to let you know you are important 
I love you
not perfectly, but I do love you as best as I can
and I pray that if I miss something
that it will be minor
and that if it is something big
that you will forgive me
that you will extend grace
that you will remember times you were my focus
that you will know my heart is attentive
but my thought process,
well it sometimes has a mind of its own right now 
and I am learning how to navigate through that uncharted territory
while I strive to follow the example of the One I love above all others

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:3-11