widow-ese (it's a real language)

the clouds were heavy and dark all day
pretty in one way,
a little disheartening in another
and they reminded me of grief
late this afternoon one in the shape of a heart caught my eye,
I watched as it changed into the shape of angel wings,
then opened up
and I could clearly see
that behind that thick layer of greys
was beautiful blue sky, white clouds and sunshine
the key to seeing the beauty?
I just have to keep looking up,
even when it is hard and darkness seems to cover me
knowing that in time,
the Light will break through and disclose breathtaking beauty

early this afternoon as I was looking at fabric swatches for new furniture I realized I have learned a new language and wasn't aware it was happening

Bill and I bought furniture there several times, the last time just a few weeks before he died. The owner is a recent widow. I have prayed for her. She knows one of my soccer boys pretty well. Her granddaughter was helping me. I didn't realize she knew who I was. I recognized the language we both speak when she said, "yours was sudden wasn't it" and I replied, with a nod, "yes"

that was all it took to communicate a wealth of information and emotion 

as I drove away I began to identify a few other components of "widow-ese" when spoken by a woman who had a healthy marriage

a brief glance that shouts we share something I wish we didn't share

the look that says I understand how uncomfortable this family event is, but you are going to make it through, we both are 

a smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes, may be wobbly, may even be accompanied by tears but you know it is from the heart and it is beautiful

"buy the soft ones" doesn't need further explanation

a gentle hand on my arm or back because they sense the need for a safe touch

a random "are you sleeping yet?" with no introductory comment

knowing when you ask "how are you" and the reply is "I am okay" the translation, with deep understanding, is that "okay" is pretty terrific

when you speak widow-ese you hear comments about husbands differently 

widow-ese understands that wishing a friend "Happy Anniversary" is one of the most costly gifts you can give 

Widow-ese also understands that when I say I am thankful her husband survived what mine did not, I really mean it. I rejoice that they have more time. But as I celebrate, there is a niggling of jealousy, it takes great restraint to not shout out loud "do not ever take this gift for granted-never!"  and sometimes the question pops up, "why did hers make it and not mine?" 

This widow sees the layers of clouds I mentioned earlier and hears them speak words of comfort and wisdom. "The blanket of grief is like a quilt, there are layers, each layer has a weight and purpose of it's own. Trying to leave any of it out compromises the integrity, so try to find ways to appreciate each component. And if you can't see it yet, keep looking, the beauty will be revealed."

*I realize that grief shares some common "words" regardless of the source*

one day such languages will be obsolete

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4