"will you pray for me?"

I approached her to ask her to pray for me
I was barely holding myself together
she asked me if I was okay

"I am mad."
"I am angry."
"I am frustrated."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's a stupid toilet and my hot water heater. I can't fix them!"

I am sure my sobbing had led her to think something serious was wrong
I blamed it on the hot water heater and toilet as I cried on Jina's shoulder,
but honestly I didn't know why I was reacting with so many tears

she called her daddy and brother-in-law to come look at my issues
knowing help was on the way should have brought relief
but instead it brought a hard cry
her daddy explained why my fixes didn't fix the toilet and showed me how to
tomorrow they will return to repair the hot water heater

not wanting to brood and cry, I kept busy after they left by pulling up carpet
I just read a FB post that exposed the root of my emotional instability
mourning

Grief is sneaky
I had not thought about the date
a month ago Rashad's mother called me to tell me he was gone
my brain didn't connect the dots today, 
but my mind, body and emotions did

it is a relief to know that while the plumbing issues may be an aggravation
they, by themselves, are not enough to send me into multiple ugly cries
love is costly, but it is worth it