When I got on FB this morning the first thing I saw was the following picture of Bill and I. I closed my computer, not remembering why it would show up today. Not sure I wanted to know. When I came back I bravely clicked on it.

Last week I changed my FB cover photo to this picture taken in September 2016. When I did it I thought "this is us now". I love my kids. And I love their spouses. And I love the grandchildren they have blessed me with. I miss Bill everyday. But I am thankful that because he and I became "us" in 1977, that I have this "us" today. Life is very different than it was when Bill was alive, but we have learned and continue to learn how to keep choosing to live and grow rather than settling for existence or worse. Smiling, crying, laughing, making plans and filling our hearts and minds with more good memories.

When I got on FB this morning the first thing I saw was the following picture of Bill and I. I closed my computer, not remembering why it would show up today. Not sure I wanted to know. When I came back I bravely clicked on it. 

I was amazed when I saw that this was the beginning to a blog post I wrote last year on this date, entitled "this is us-but one of us is missing". I copied, pasted and edited it to add to today's thoughts. I find it interesting that though things change, in some ways they stay the same.

this is us-(but one of us is missing)

 taken April 2013 after Hannah's dance recital

I miss Bill, 

some days more than others,

thoughts of him,

specific memories,

make my heart both glad and sad-

glad because I have the memories

sad that there will be no more memories we make 

I know it may sound weird 

but today it I can hear him say

"I love you"

as I sit in my debt free home

surrounded by creature comforts that are paid for

knowing there is money set aside so I can pay my bills

and I am financially taken care of until it is time to leave this world

as I look at pictures of our children and grandchildren

I am reminded of the joy of our family life

was it easy raising six kids?

being totally honest, um, NO !

at times it was really hard-

like "I want to pull my hair (or yours) out" and,

"I am ready to quit!" hard

but given the opportunity,

I would definitely go back and do it all again

and not want to change anything,

because that would change who I am, 

who we are, 

and who we are becoming...

and I am more than a little partial to "us"