blue skies and the blues 85/366

today has been, by far, the prettiest day we've had here in NE KY for a while
it has also been one of my hardest
I feel tired, whipped, beaten

I could blame it on the flower beds I've weeded
or the pruning of grapevines and night flowering jasmine
or the 128 flights of stairs my fitbit has tracked since Sunday
or the 395 active minutes it has logged  
or the 53,318 steps I've gotten in the last 4 days 

but that would be, at best, partial truth

yes,those things are contributing factors to my body being tired,
but that isn't the tired that has plagued me today
that tired did not make my 2,084 step
the one that led me from the porch swing to the sidewalk
the hardest step I took out of the current 11,435 today

can I be honest for a minute or two?

I'm tired of walking with nowhere to go or stop, except home
I'm tired of seeing friends but not being able to hug them
I'm tired of watching my KCU babies pack up and drive away for the semester
I'm tired of Zoom/video meetings because we can't actually meet
I'm tired of people not taking COVID-19 seriously

will I keep walking-absolutely
will I continue to wave at friends from afar-for sure
will I smile when I see my kids as they are packing up their vehicles-yes
will I attend Zoom meetings-without a doubt
am I thankful that some people are taking things seriously-100%

will tomorrow be easier-probably
have I wallowed in self pity today-a little
will I continue to live there-nope
but, for just a while today, I've allowed myself to feel the frustration
to acknowledge my sadness and anger and grief over changes

and I will go to sleep later, 
thanking God for today and all it held that drew or pushed me closer to Him,
knowing tomorrow will be a new day,
confident that this "feeling" will not last forever,
excited that I know that last statement is truth

"Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint. " Isaiah 40:28-31

anyone else see an eagle?