when doubt and fear open your eyes 71/366

Clarity, complete confidence, excitement, encouragement, energy (all things good)-
that is what I felt when I finished writing and posting about birthing a ministry last evening.
Our core team of 7 is a diverse and beautiful and strong team.

I slept well, no dreams, no nightmares-
until I woke up
and was assaulted.
With doubt-should I have waited to post until we had a "proven" track record?
With fear-what was I thinking? Why would I open myself up to attack?
With second guessing-why didn't I wait until after I speak on Saturday?
And as I laid on my back, eyes closed because I didn't want to face the day,
I didn't know if I had the strength and courage to do it,
to get out of bed and deliver the last 6 index cards.

I slowly realized what was going on:
By going public I had invited a stronger spiritual battle into my life
because one of the things the enemy doesn't like
is Believers who boldly, confidently, unashamedly, walk by faith in obedience.
With that in mind, I drug myself out of bed,
got ready for a day out in public,
lumbered down the stairs,
made coffee and oatmeal
and went to my quiet place
where I spent time alone with the Lord.
Holding nothing back, I lay my concerns and weakness and doubts and fears at His feet.

There was no judgement there.
No scolding or ridicule.
Only comfort as He held me, encouraged me, strengthened me,
challenged me, corrected me, disciplined me
and reminded me of the truths I needed to focus on. 
Truths that would combat the lies that were being shouted at me.
Doubt and fear and second guessing were dispersed.
And they did not return.
It has turned out to be an excellent day.

living by truth instead of feelings is always the best course of action