I don't have an answer

Often, out of a desire to be polite and show an interest in my life, 

I am asked one of two questions:

"What did you do today?"

or "What are your plans?".

Frequently I mentally stutter,

deer in the headlights like

and don't have an answer

my days are full

but I don't have accomplishments to prove it

mostly I just live

doing the next little thing that needs done

answering "what did you do today?" with anything on the list below,

things I do but you can't see (unless they are undone)

just doesn't seem productive:

I got out of bed

I brushed my teeth

I washed my face

I brushed my hair

I got dressed

I cooked breakfast

I spent time praying

I read my Bible

I prayed

I sent messages to check on people

I made a phone call or two

I did some deep thinking

I did some writing

I fed the dogs and made sure they had water

I read leadership or spiritual formation materials

I checked my email

I looked around at things that need done, but I can't tackle right now

I scrolled facebook to keep up with family and friends

I loaded the dishwasher

etc.

what did I do today?

I asked myself that question tonight as I sat on the back porch

feeling a bit out of sorts

because after years and years of being busy doing,

there are many days

the slate of tasks is relatively empty

there are no big jobs done

and if I listen to the enemy's standard of what is valuable, 

I can easily get discouraged

I am in a new era of life

gone are the days of easily recognizable accomplishments 

my family has moved on 

my responsibilities have changed

most of the improvements on my house are done

I'm not as quick or as strong or as motivated to "do" as I once was

and the "work" I'm most involved in now involves more being with than doing for

what did I do today?

I did many of the things on the list

I also had a visit with a sweet new friend and her children this morning

and this evening,

after reading the first page and a half of a book,

I closed it and simply sat in the wrought iron rocker

I listened to the birds singing

I watched the clouds glide through the sky

I paid attention to their changing colors as the sun slowly set

I pet the dogs

I looked at the lilacs whose leaves continue to grow

I breathed in the spring like air

I felt the gentle breeze caress my face

I let myself take time to sit, doing nothing

I invested energy into being aware of the life going on around me

I questioned

I thought

I grieved

I rejoiced

I paid attention

I acknowledged once again that my life is different 

I am in a place where there isn't often a need to be busy "doing" 

I can and should focus on being 

and though I don't always get it right, 

what I want most is to be more like Jesus everyday