Christmas Eve alone

you can see my smile
you can see my tree
if you look close you can see my eye is healing nicely
you can see my sweatshirt,
actually, it isn't my sweatshirt, but more about that in a minute
what you cannot see is my heart
and how I wish you could 

it is Christmas Eve
for the first time in my life I am spending it alone
I will wake up Christmas morning to an empty house
and I kind of feel like that should bother me
but oddly, it doesn't

yesterday afternoon a dear friend stopped in to check on me
she also invited me to join her family to enjoy Breakfast for dinner
when she left I went to sit on the couch and burst into tears
she sees my heart, she listened to God's voice, she loves me well
I ate a delicious dinner tonight and had a wonderful time in our short visit
I had to leave because Ruth and Kyle came home early from Ohio
they didn't want me to be alone all of Christmas Eve either

last night I wore that sweatshirt for the first time
I grabbed it again a few minutes ago
it is Bill's
it has been hanging on the back of my laundry room door
last night I could choose it and put it on

this morning as I was getting ready to begin working
I received a text from a different friend
inviting me to share Taco Soup with her family 
she did not want me to be alone Christmas Eve
I told her about my earlier invitation and regretfully declined
both of these friends knew that my family is not coming in until tomorrow
I don't have sisters I share DNA with, but I most certainly have sisters

this afternoon as I was in the middle of cleaning 
the doorbell rang
so down the stairs I trotted
paint splattered clothes and hair a mess to answer the door
it was two other friends dropping off a gift

when I explained that I was putting rooms together 
one asked if she could go get me lunch since I was working hard
tears came to my eyes as I told her "no, thank you"
again, I have sisters who love me well
the tears were fueled by memories of Bill
each time I was knee deep in a project he brought me lunch 
this friend had no idea of that, but God did

so, on Christmas Eve 2016
the first one in my 57 years that I am spending alone
I know that I am not alone at all

I am keenly aware of the healing power of love
as I sit all snuggly warm on my couch in Bill's sweatshirt
my heart, it is smiling bigger than my face
the Prince of Peace has filled me with joy unspeakable
money cannot buy the gifts I have received in the last two days

It just turned midnight
it is no longer Christmas Eve
it is now Christmas morning
I hope you have a very merry Christmas
more than that, I pray you know Jesus, the Prince of Peace

"For to us a child is born,

    to us a son is given;...

    and his name shall be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6