riddled
as I drove to Akron in the rain today
64E to 77N, thankful it was not snow hitting my windshield
a riddle of sorts formed in my mind
when what is
suddenly becomes what was
what we thought would be
becomes what will never be
and as what is now
settles in as a reality to be reckoned with
what may be slowly takes on a whole new dimension
if that is completely confusing
maybe looking at it as a timeline of my life
from August 6, 1977 to August 29, 2014 will help
(what is): I am Bill's wife
became I was his wife
and celebrating our 50th, maybe our 60th and 70th anniversaries
would never happen because he was no longer here
I am Bill's widow
I am Donnette, no longer part of an evolving "Bill and Donnette"
life as Donnette, alone, is different from what it would be if I was his wife
it doesn't mean I didn't love Bill
it doesn't mean I am forgetting him
it does mean I am learning to live this very different life of singleness
you have your own experience(s)...
I encourage you to own/recognize/acknowldge it (them)
and to rest in knowing that if you are a believer,
God is at work in your life,
whatever you are facing you are not alone,
the loss and pain and questions and doubts you wrestle with are not wasted,
they are part of your ongoing, growing, living story of faith
I encourage you to remember God's past faithfulness
in your life and in the lives of other believers (Hebrews 11 is full of examples)
lay aside whatever keeps you from moving toward Him
(run) (walk) (hobble) (crawl) just keep moving
rest when you need to, but do not give up and stop
keep fixing your eyes- when they wander, refocus
and keep the end in sight-He has already won the victory
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2 NASB
*this was in no way a depressing day
rather, it was a day of encouragement and peace
not mourning what was, but rather, celebrating what was and what may be
64E to 77N, thankful it was not snow hitting my windshield
a riddle of sorts formed in my mind
when what is
suddenly becomes what was
what we thought would be
becomes what will never be
and as what is now
settles in as a reality to be reckoned with
what may be slowly takes on a whole new dimension
if that is completely confusing
maybe looking at it as a timeline of my life
from August 6, 1977 to August 29, 2014 will help
(what is): I am Bill's wife
became I was his wife
and celebrating our 50th, maybe our 60th and 70th anniversaries
would never happen because he was no longer here
I am Bill's widow
I am Donnette, no longer part of an evolving "Bill and Donnette"
life as Donnette, alone, is different from what it would be if I was his wife
it doesn't mean I didn't love Bill
it doesn't mean I am forgetting him
it does mean I am learning to live this very different life of singleness
you have your own experience(s)...
I encourage you to own/recognize/acknowldge it (them)
and to rest in knowing that if you are a believer,
God is at work in your life,
whatever you are facing you are not alone,
the loss and pain and questions and doubts you wrestle with are not wasted,
they are part of your ongoing, growing, living story of faith
I encourage you to remember God's past faithfulness
in your life and in the lives of other believers (Hebrews 11 is full of examples)
lay aside whatever keeps you from moving toward Him
(run) (walk) (hobble) (crawl) just keep moving
rest when you need to, but do not give up and stop
keep fixing your eyes- when they wander, refocus
and keep the end in sight-He has already won the victory
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2 NASB
*this was in no way a depressing day
rather, it was a day of encouragement and peace
not mourning what was, but rather, celebrating what was and what may be
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