caught up in an avalanche

sometimes the pain of missing Bill comes on like an avalanche
I can feel rumbles in my inner being 
long before I am actually hit by physical mourning

originating from depths I am now familiar with, 
tears flowed several times tonight
and I know, 
even though I am surprised by the intensity,
I am  going to make it through this and tomorrow will be lighter
it isn't easy and it isn't pretty, my eyes will hurt 
but I am going to make it through this 

how do I know? 
because it is just days shy of being three years since Bill died
and there have been a lot of tears in those years

grief, and the mourning that accompanies it, hasn't gotten any easier,
it's simply something I am much more familiar with now
and though it sometimes threatens to overwhelm me, 
it doesn't frighten me anymore
even when my heart feels shattered, 
I know I am loved by God 
and I have learned to run to Him in and with all my brokenness 

He  welcomes me gently, kindly, compassionately
and as I practice resting in Him,
I find myself caught up in a different kind of avalanche...

"Grace to you and peace [inner calm and spiritual well-being] from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

2 Corinthians 1 :2-4 Amplified version