I wasn't finished

When Beth, Sarah and Deborah were little, the four of us went on a lunch date at a small restaurant. We had gone to visit Daddy at work . Halfway through the meal the twins had to go to the bathroom and Deborah needed a diaper change so I gathered my  diaper bag and children, assuring the girls they could finish their meal after they went potty, and we made the trek to the restroom.
When we got back, our food was gone and the table was cleared-
"Mommy, I wasn't finished" were the first words I heard from my girls. Even though we had not paid for our meal, and their plates were more than half full, someone thought we were done and cleared away our things. Thankfully the manager kindly took into account how long was a reasonable amount of time to take two toddlers to the bathroom, change a diaper, wash hands and make it back to your table. They brought more drinks and food.

I don't remember which relative we were visiting for a meal, but I do remember Bill leaning over and whispering in my ear, "Don't let go of your plate until you are done or she will take it." The hostess had a habit of clearing the dishes as soon as she thought you were done eating, without asking. And there were no "refills". 

August 29, 2014 I was not finished.

I was not finished healing from the meniscus surgery I had August 20. I was not driving, I was just a few days past the point of needing prescription pain meds.

I was not finished processing that we were not dealing with kidney stones.

I was not finished waiting on the GI specialist to come in and talk to us about what might be wrong with Bill.

I was not finished with Labor Day plans-and figuring out what we would do if Bill was still in the hospital, how I would keep him entertained because less than 24 hours in he was already going stir crazy.

I was not finished making final plans for our second beach vacation. We were going back to Panama City Beach after Soccer Nationals in November.

I had plans to celebrate at least 50 years of marriage, more likely 60 years or more with him. We had just celebrated 37 years August 6 and I figured since his grandparents had lived into their late 80's and 90's,  he had at least 25- 30 years left to live.

We had plans-
to travel and represent KCU together,
to visit our out of town children more often,
to make a trip to Siberia together to see Deborah and David,
to work a week of camp at RLCA together,
to visit Costa Rica with Andrew & Bre,
God had other plans.

"The heart of man plans his way,

    but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 16:9

I was not finished planning and living life with the man I loved.

And though the rug was pulled out from beneath my feet,
And though I grieve, 
I stand in the assurance that God is on control.

God has a plan, 
an eternal plan.

I don't have to pretend to be happy.
I don't have to understand this new plan.
I don't have to like the pain that is part of this new plan.

Bill can say
"I have fought the good fight, 
I have finished the race, 
I have kept the faith."

I am still fighting the good fight.
I am not finished with the race.
I will keep the faith.

I trust that the Lord will continue to give me what I need.
I trust that the Lord will continue to establish my steps. 
One step at a time.