Damn Death

I know God is good.

I know God is wise.

I know God is in control.

I know God has a plan.

But this evening, I am not "feeling it".

I answered a phone call from a friend while a practice.

I pulled her daughter out of practice.

This girl and Ruth have been friends since middle school.

She is like a daughter to me.

I had to tell her something that I knew would hurt.

"Your uncle is in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

They found him in the yard this afternoon.

You are not allowed to drive. I will take you to the hospital."

Another family friend was on her way to the field to pick her up.

"I know God is in control, but enough is enough,"

I told the friend as we waited for her to come out of the locker room.

Last October she lost an aunt.

In June she lost another aunt.

In August she lost her dad.

Her uncle didn't make it today.

Four deaths in a year.

She is too young.

It is too much to ask anyone to bear.
I am angry.

I am questioning.

Today I say Damn death.

Her 23rd birthday is tomorrow.

***Please do not worry about me and my faith. 
I have not lost it, I am hanging on to it with all that is in me.
I am simply hurting deeply and being honest. 
Why do I make myself vulnerable?
Because if you ever find yourself in my position 
and feel this way you will know you are not the only one.
Feeling like the only one is a lonely, lonely place to be.***