different

we have several family sayings
one of them is:
"different is not wrong, it is just different"

Coming home
to an empty house,
knowing no one will be coming home,
is one of those rude "slap you in the face" 
reality checks that is a new part of my life.

Since 1977 there was always Bill.
Once we started having children
there were always two or more here,
and once they were old enough to invite friends in,
well, let's just say, our door was pretty much always open.

different is not wrong, it is just different

One by one the children left home.
Elizabeth, Sarah, Deborah, Jonathan, Ruth, Andrew.
As each one left there was a time of mourning, of adjusting.
I was just getting used to it being Bill and I again
when he went Home for good.

I had never lived by myself. Ever.
That is why coming home tonight or any night 
knowing no one else is here or will be coming home,
is one of those rude "slap you in the face" 
reminders of how different my life is.

different is not wrong, it is just different

As we drove back from Midway 
I had a flashback to last year at this time.
Joshua was driving one of the old vans,
I sat in the passenger seat 
with tears streaming.

Tonight I sat behind him as he drove one of the new mini busses.
Even though some of the same thoughts rattled my mind,
I was dry eyed,
not because there is no grief, but because...
Well, to be honest, I don't know why tonight was different.

Once I got home I began to question if that was good or bad.
I have come to the conclusion that it is just different.
and different is not wrong, it is just different.