grieving is grueling

mindlessly checking Facebook
Lumosity
Word Streak with Friends
Sudoku
more Facebook
Hotmail
Gmail
searching for beach vacation homes 
reading light fiction
day dreaming
writing
porch swing time
and, more Facebook-after all, something important may have happened in the last minute
these are things I have used for years to fill my hours, 
especially in the evenings when Bill worked late

because I enjoy them
because they are relaxing
because they are easily done when I am alone

at the risk of sounding like a broken record I am going to say it again:
grieving is grueling
mentally
physically
emotionally 
spiritually
and sometimes I don't have the physical energy 
to implement my ideas, 
to start my planned projects,
and so,
I will continue to use these things to help fill the hours, 
passing time 
until I do have the energy
allowing myself time to regroup
allowing myself to rest, to heal